2010 Floetry and beyond "Moments In Love" by Valencia ft. Miz Naki

Okay so not to take away from Natalie and Marsha during a very pivitol time in both of their careers (they both are releasing solo albums, "The Floacist" November 9th, and Marsha's tba) but I have been pressured, joked with, threatened, lol everything you can think of to find someone who can sing from the depths of their soul and to do music with them by incorporating my poetry and their vocals...and so one random night I was catching up on a friend's blog and track of hers that she had just completed was playing. I was playing around with the beat and requested the instrumental (btw, she is dope to me with creating her own beats!!! can we say in house producer)...anyways, ten minutes later I had a small verse written and I was inspired to start the process and record it. So I did and three weeks later I present to you..."Moments In Love" by Valencia ft. Miz Naki

'The Life' by Independent Media ft. Miz Naki

Listen to 'The Life' by Independent Media ft. Miz Naki

http://bln.kr/R86/

Is This Love....

Okay for one, I absolutely love BILAL and BOB MARLEY...i heart them, like I love sweetarts and my punkie brewster shoes. Anyways...I stumbled across this amazing website through my good sis Iveriani the Illest Publicist (follow her on twitter @Iveriani) out of NY...I love her and I can't wait to see her at "The Session, 1st year anniversary party featuring Conya Doss", October 23, 2010 it goes down at The Event Center in Toledo, Oh. Tickets are $15 and it will be well worth it. So on that note back to why I decided to post this video...the website: www.thisisrealmusic.com is freaking awesome so please go check it out, I'm positive you will love it and secondly this cover done by Bilal captivated my entire world. I played it on repeat for like a whole 24 hours and so I just had to share for all you music lovers...especially you (you know who you are, ha ha)...but real talk this song is dedicated to my father who is in Ghana right now visiting family. I miss him dearly and this song reminds me of the early years growing up listening to Bob Marley and dancing with my dad...E suomo wass, daddy. Miss you

peace,

MemyselEye

The McDaniel Brothers

This post is not about me. It's merely a reflection, or observation of the past eight months...with The McDaniel Brother's...the order I list them in (may be) due to favoritism, lol but I'd rather just clear that assumption up as truth, rather than have it speculated. I care about each of them all differently and they have each impacted my life in such a short time (mostly positive, ha ha!), so when I'm led to write... I do what's right! (even you George)

George a.k.a. Jorge (Horhey)-

The eldest, probably the wisest of them all! Is to me quite the honorable man. Without having to delve to deep into his personal life, what very little that I do know about him is partly the reason why I felt compelled to write this post. He loves his brothers. Although he and the other three have different mothers, their bond is like nothing I've every seen before. He's funny, which seems to be a common trait that they all possess, but most importantly He is a family oriented man. I've met and interacted with him once and during that time I just really appreciated his laid back spirit. Over the years I've learn to read people...and what I picked up from him is his love and desire to do right as a man and a father. His children are his lively hood and most importantly his focus. His relationship with his brothers, is something he desires that his children share. Maybe I'm wrong, but I have mad respect for this man. There was a certain comfort that I got from being around him, but in reality...I get that from all of them. My sincere prayer goes out to George....

Renard a.k.a. Renny Tin Tin!, a.k.a. Jojo's brother-

The middle (possibly maybe, my favorite....shhhh don't tell anyone). Let me say this...His soul is classic. I wish that there were more Renny's out there in the world. He's humble, funny (classic trait of a McDaniel, I've concluded), talented, artsy, can dress, athletic, a great cook, and the list goes on. I met Renny back in July and though he may beg to differ, ha ha...I felt we hit it off very well. Renny just was a laid back dude, super mellow. But having the opportunity to talk with him allowed for me to learn alot about this man, and I came to admire his story, who he was, and now who he has become. Renny is honestly like the brother I never had real talk and I value our friendship...He looks out for me and vice versa. That really is no different in retrospect when it comes to the other brothers, because I hold Jojo and Ed down and vice versa but nonetheless, I shared with Renny, that I believe out of all the brothers he will be the first to be married and I believe it will last. So Renny if you're reading this don't forget that I want to write a poem for your wedding!

Joseph a.k.a. Jojo-
Akia's favorite...breif disclaimer. My children are picky about the company I keep. They are very observant and they don't take well to everyone. But when they do...you will know. I remember the first time Akia met him...I was taking Jojo back to Michigan with Ed, and he sat in the backseat next to her...and the conversation was quite entertaining. She asked him a lot of questions and he obliged by answering. From that moment...my daughter and son have faithfully requested his presence and or desired to speak to him. I strongly believe it's due to these reasons. Jojo is a different breed. I've never quite met a man with such a unique mind like him, but he is so intelligent. Not to say that each brother is not because they all are, but Jojo and I share a common interest. We both majored in English, but this to me reveals a lot about him period. Naturally an artist and a lover of words, Jojo is truly gifted musically. By far one of my favorite MC's, probably right next to Nas, I commend his tenacity and drive to pursue his passion. We clicked like peanutbutter and jelly this summer and I told him that he was probably the only male that I would call best friend and I meant it. HE GETS ON MY LAST NERVE,... and can make any person question their intellect with his choice of words but he's quite the genuis and a hopeless romantic. And how could I forget to mention that he's the baby. He knows he's special to me because he allows me to talk about my problems, issues, concerns, without judgement! I love our heart to hearts...

and then there's....

Edward...a.k.a. Ed.I.Elm., Ed, Pookie...this list is way too long, ha ha
Eldest of the last two that I mentioned...I'm biased to writing about him so I will keep my reflection to the point. His imperfections make him perfect. Similar to George, but something I've actually personally witnessed, is his love for his children. I remember when I first was made aware that he had children. We both were on the panel for a Hip Hop Discussion and I was actually shocked. Over the past few months I've come to learn about this man is that he is driven by his love for the community. We share that same passion and I often pray that he realizes his future is bright and very promising. At times he can be very moody but it is balanced by his humor. I share with him often he should be a comedian. I've reflected on this for a while but those who he let in are lucky people, because they get to his heart. I will close with this...he too is an amazing writer and I look forward to watching him blossom. He writes some great stuff on the "Think Tank"!

All in all...my writing is simple, my words are charasmatic, and these men are amazing. Who am I? someone random who has been tremendously blessed by them all. I have often questioned and wondered what there father was like, who he was, and I'm often quite afraid to touch on the subject due to it being such a sensitive issue. Their mother spoke very highly of him during one of our heart to hearts...and may his spirit always live through them, rest in peace, Edward L. McDaniel Sr. My desire to write about these men was to shed light on their story, their uniqueness...3 brothers, who grew up in somewhat poverished conditions, with a mother who I would definitely classify as heroic and the epitome of STRONG, in a very rough neighborhood...who each defied the odds against them and excelled beyond what people thought they would. Each now college graduates trying to find their way in this society as amazing, gifted, beautiful, evolving, men. I'm honored to say that I know them. What really warms my heart is their relationships with each other. Me being the only child and having two half sisters, I hope to one day experience what they have. They make me smile on my bad days, and bring laughter to my soul. They challenge me to be a strong woman by just this statement alone, "Sheila could do it"...ha ha...and most importantly, they're teaching me the beauty of friendship with men. Dialogue, great dinner, laughter, good music, tears, and lots of fun is something that I'm blessed to share with them.

This is only the beginning and I hope they know how much I value them....

Flaws and all,

I heart the McDaniel brothers.

signing out-

Naki

Confessional Pt. 2

i honestly can't remember the last time i wrote a confessional...or a blog, but i figured in order to sleep...i need to get somethings off my chest. (and i take deep breaths, and exhale as the verbal vomit begins)

who reads this anymore? i'll post it to my twitter and my facebook just for the sake of screaming, "Hey come and read me, i really want the world to know all my baggage"...ha ha.

1. there is a concrete part of my spirit that knows that she still makes you smile. and that is okay.

2. "i've never touched you, i never held you, but when i get to, i will know who you are to me" (I'm secretly still routing for you, V, to have this experience with him....maybe because in reality, I want the same for myself with ELM...

3. I want to eradicate him from my soul...control the fantasy to the point where it becomes a fallacy...delete his presence from my poetry...and bury him with the rest of life's regrets...he's a cancer to my life, crippling my desire to write...all the while he's the source of my dreams and night...such a solemn fight..#deathofmyprototype

4. part of me was jealous hearing about my bf's new relationship, wishing them well and lots of wisdom to sustain the union...#sadlyadmitting

5. my awareness of my gift is petrifying......I'm afraid to speak to people now a days...because it's like they know the truth about who i really am.

6. i just asked wyche to marry me. 99% of me was serious. 1% of me waits for you to get it...that you're the....ONE(percent)

7. i miss my aunt...deeply

8. part of me wants to walk away from school and try again in about three years. #sabbatical

9. Akia knows...her mommy well. i knew there was something different about her, when she was six months. i remembered picking her up from daycare one day and she patted me on the back as if she was the mother and i was her child. Akia's spirit has always been nurturing. She has done things that let me know she is very alert and aware...my minime...in more ways than none.

10. i need a beach bad!

.....part of me wants to include your full government in this part of the post. I feel like my spirit is just screaming out at you to notice what I see...but you can't. you probably never will. you will fight it. you will choose to be closed to your gift/our connection. people have seen it. they ask me about you often, and i often close my eyes and shake my head because in my weakest state you notice me not. you don't acknowledge my heart, my love for you. i am passionate about my fingertips and what it was like to press them against your back. you always layed with your back turned to me because you were so afraid to be open and vulnerable. you knew my soul would save you. you enjoy the comfort of pain. we've all been there. my prayer is that when you find me, it won't be too late. i dream about you eyes open. at night when i'm awake with my eyes closed...eye see you there next to me. breathing slow. I believe in twin flames...you are mine. you will laugh when you read this because you won't understand a single word. you already doubt my intelligence, but i laugh right back because I doubt your ignorance and denial not to feel my heart beating when you even step in the room...it's the loudest noise, the thump in my chest. i heart you. my favorite memory of you that comes to mind is when i was in the isle at Kroger, grocery shopping with Alisha for my b-day party...i thought of you, and you called (that is normal to think of you and then you call or text) and we talked about our plans for the party, and our date that we have yet to go on...[[[books a million and pacific blue]]]....you mentioned strawberries and moscato...how over the summer we would have plenty of barbeques at my house. you would bring the girls and i would have my kids...i don't have the nrg to conjure this up...your words were real. i believe you meant every word. i still hope for you. find me....before it's too late.
i love you to life...EDIELM ...rarely does one come across such a gifted and beautiful soul...that is what i think of you.

#nuffsaid

exposed and open like a window,

memyselfeye...Naki

Delueze Philosophy & Film....and More

Brief preface for all my followers, this video I'm about to upload is response to an assignment for my Delueze Film class. We had to match a set of selected questions with a set of selected answers and then come up with a creative way to demonstrate our selection this is what I chose: Naki Akrobettoe- Module 1 Excursion Question- D. If a major motion picture company wanted to make a movie about you, don’t you think it would be imperative that there would be at least one scene in that film that goes into your past, in order to explain and expand on your character? Answer- 5. “We shall see that the modern forms of narration derive from the compositions and types of the time-image: even ‘readability.’ Narration is never an evident [apparent] given of images, or the effect of a structure which underlies them; it is a consequence of the visible [apparent] images themselves, of the perceptible images in themselves, as they are initially defined for themselves” (C2, 26- 27). Attached you will find a mp3 selection that I had put together. I chose this particular poem to present as the choice to represent "the question/answer" because "Black Is" is my narration for people to gain a better understanding of who I am, and where I come from, and expose some of the things that I love and or passionate about ie. spoken word/poetry. I felt that the words in itself give a bit of background behind who I am, but most importantly in they create mental images, I wanted the viewers to determine their own conclusions about my history and my culture based on what they here in the short audio. How is my hair styled? What might I be wearing based on the content? What images do you see, along with what you here that describe whoe: Naki Camille Akrobettoe is as a poet, artist, woman, etc.

.... UGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! imisshim

I stare at the blank page so enraged
Lost but not yet found ready to be saved
If I had to choose between the red or blue pill
Even if it killed me I would ask you to stay
To my dismay, you strayed
While I prayed just to keep you close
And in the moment you drifted further
Was the very second it hurt the worst
See I was taught that the curse falls upon the wicked
I committed treason when we kicked it
Scrambled eggs spontaneously on a Friday,
I think that's what did it, no expectations
Just the freedom to choose,
Whether to love or loose
And experience the new muse
Had I known loving a poet would bruise
Then I would have set my ship to cruise
In the other direction instead of
Subjecting myself to this connection
That merely meant nothing to you
Than passing the time until the other lover left,
Then I would not be caught feeling like
My gift I was so willing to give was unappreciated by theft
You used me when you deemed it necessary
Read me like a dictionary, entertained the idea
Of exploring my content
Realized you weren't prepared for the complex
Structure of my nature
Concluded you'd rather date her
And blame the demise of our friendship
On the fact that my emotions run endless
I'm open like a window on a 88 degree day
With no breeze, and all the while you
Sleep with ease
My heart has been dis-Eased
And teased by the idea
That you overstood me
But you really know me not,
Now every time I see you
It makes me miss you more,
But my heart is frigid
And torn, worn out by
The constant betrayal of
Not loving myself enough
To know when intentions
Aren't pure, loving me more
Is the best cure
Even when you think of me not
The tranquil time and space
Spent with you can never
Be forgot, this is what loving
You has taught.

Written Just For Me by Mr. Love Hall

I met him about a year and half ago. We've evolved into being great friends. I can count on him for advice. I can count on him to irriate me, too! He knows my worth. He thinks I'm beautiful and as a request for my birthday/album release party, he wrote this just for me. Check out Mr. Darius Hall as the feature tonight at The Daily Grind Cafe, in Toledo, OH....He is breathtaking to the eye, and rejuvinating to ones soul with his content and sex appeal. I present to you...Mr. Lovehall (My nickname I called him because his name is the same as the character from my favorite movie "Love Jones", Darius Hall) ^snap,snap^

"She Is Poetry" (For Naki)
When I met Naki
When my time came to see
For the first time what she looked like human
A spitting image of the creator
The inventor of the trees and the winds
The only idea that escapes my imagination
So different in perspective
But my eyes aligned w/ her perception
And from our inception she’s been something like a reflection
Something like a mirror, something like a mural
I see my many faces in her creations
Somewhere in “Black Is”
I found a reason to write
A purpose for a pen’s life
My mission: To be the male rendition
Of her ambition for artistic submission
I want to be like
I want to sound like
Like I’ve found heaven in my notebook
Like I’m seven again with all the dreams my spirit left behind
She is of an ancestral design
Somewhere in line with the Krobo griot
Dancing to the rhythm of the Djimbe drum
Her voice calm as Autumn’s wind
Her body covered in summers’ skin
Her personality glazed w/ grandma’s gin
She comes from a time when
Hearts stayed open and minds rested
God tested—she’s been through the world
But I’ve never seen scars so beautiful
Worn with the grace of innocence:
So this is what you look like human?
Poetry in the flesh
This is what Black is
The essence of creation
The residual effect of freedom and imagination
The sound of heavens syncopation
You have awakened the starving artists
Fed and nurtured the starving artists
Held their hands when they were too weak to write
Grazed the boundaries of their dreams at night
And your smile is just enough light
To sustain the sight of poets who share their darkest moments
You are the spirit of poetry
Your skin is the canvas on which it should be written
I’m glad to have known you before you existed
Before my spirit resisted to let go of all my inhibitions
You are truly, universally, holistically, spiritually made in the image and likeness of creation
You are poetry

~Darius Hall

"Becoming One With My Pole(SOUL)"

"Becoming One With the Pole"

So yesterday morning I got a text from a friend of mine who asked if I was available later that evening to workout. My options were between Yoga or Pole Dance Fitness…and instantly my heart went into flutter mode because I had been waiting for the universe to align 1. my budget 2. my schedule and 3.my kids to be with a sitter, in order for me to try of course the Pole Dance Fitness. Now disclaimer, my inspirations are not to become a stripper or indulge in that activity for attention or mere infatuation with what woman in that field do, but it's merely to unveil the inner sexy nature that I believe all woman possess. My desire was to first learn to control my body weight, tone up and then allow the inner sex appeal to flow from within outwards. And the best for me is I'm finally at a place where I'm doing this all for Naki. No inspiration from a man, not trying to impress any male ego, this is purely for my enjoyment and fulfillment and I must say that I'm quite elated. I loved how yoga, pilates were incorporated in the class that I attended. And even better it was a room full of 20 black woman of all shapes and sized and ages, supporting each other and looking great to. My instructor had to be in her late 40's and was doing the da&* thang! I cracked myself up a couple of times, trying to control my body and the most difficult thing was, "Becoming one with the pole"…My favorite part had to be trying the super man, and that consisted 4 step walk in both the right and left direction, once back at center you took two wide steps away from the pole and then positioned you hands while leaning into the pole and controlling a spin around the pole with your legs spread! OMG, it was the most exhilarating feeling, I've experienced in a while. When I woke up this morning my body was in complete shock mode super sore but it was so worth it…And how I calculated it all in my head, the hour and 45 minute workout for a total of ten bucks twice a week is so worth it, compared to $50 bucks spent on fast food that is full of junk that will not enhance or contribute to this path of unleashing my inner beauty…

Funny thing is one of my home girls text me and was like, "oh boy" I can't wait to hear a poem written about this! So here is my confession, I loved every minute of being on that pole, and I can't wait to experience it again. My nickname is "Heaven", simply because that is what it felt like being there and to me it's all about the balance of sensuality and spirituality so the first line of my poem reads "..."Enter me cause I was built to be the foundation of your HEAVEN!"....


catch me at the next "E-Zone" featuring Lethal and you don't want to miss this show! Strawberries and Chocolate, crazy sensual sexy poetry, and lots of fun and TOYS!...


P.S. I love what I do.


Peace and Poetry,

Naughty Naki

He Said This To Me...

this is how I know....I'm not all weird and crazy in the head. When I recieve confirmation within my spirit that the person God is molding and shaping me into is not far off...In a random conversation that started out about Yoga excercises, and the practice of it...a good friend wrote these words to me.

"I've said this to other people, but I've never said this to you. You have something, not sure what it is, but God has given you something special. If you can figure out what that is, the rest of the world is going to welcome you with open arms."

And so I don't plan to make this blog long. I'm in Columbus, relaxing at home, enjoying the great company of my mother, father, and good friends and doing what feels right. I'm taking the time to center my mind body and spirit. I'm searching for Ma'at (Balance) and I acknowledge how wonderful and amazing I truly am, flaws and all. It feels good to sit down and just take a moment to breathe....

My spirit is calm and embracing the transition.

Growth is good.

Peace and Poetry,

Naki C. Akrobettoe

Sexual Healing (Literally and Intimately Speaking)

Quote of the day~
‎"Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questioned."
-- unknown

Writing takes so much discipline. So I'm going to listen to my spirit and write about my experience tonight at the class "Conversations That Matter: Spiritual Sexuality". This class that I decided to join (which I sort of had insight on the course prior to attending, due to having a close relationship with the women who are teaching the class)is not your ordinary erotica/sex party, but an actual engagement of like minds who are open to discuss intimate conversations and conduct actual acts that involve a certain level of a.) maturity b.) desire to gain an understanding of sexuality through understanding the essence of a spirit man/spirit woman c.) being open to discover the beauty of one's inner power to heal another being through the source of their energy. I'm sure I did a horrible job of giving a synopsis on the course, but I was blown away by tonight. It was actually balanced with the number of men and women who attended, but most importantly everyone was open and willing to share their experience. Without getting to in depth (what I learned tonight is that alot of what we experience on a physical level can't even really be captured through words, which is in esssence the art of Tantra)tonight was very liberating for me, one because I've been on the self-work journey for awhile in truly understanding Naki and what I consist of on a spiritual/physical/mental (mind,body,soul). I intimately (into me see) want to get to the level of having that full knowledge and understanding of me being, and I know that this must come by acknowledging that I'm a spiritual being first. So with that being said, I had an amazing night being myself, being open, being intimate with both men and women, engaging in stimulating dialogue that allowed the transfering of positive energy but most importanly a healing took place for me, through the natural sexual energy of my being. It was quite interesting that before the class, I had an intersting conversation with a man who I once had thought I had been intimate with(please do not confuse this with intercourse) but because I value the nature of time, space, and energy to allow him in the closeness of my being whether to share a kiss or a hug meant something very special to me, but to him nothing. And what I realized is that not every man deserves to recieve the power of my touch. I felt so honored tonight to have a complete stranger tell me that just for me to even look in his eyes was replenishing to his soul. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I can no longer allow for any man to occupy or hold the very things that are sacred to me. I know the power of my touch...what the holding of my hand means. The laying of hands on a back, the rubbing of the temples, the connecting of fingertips, the embrace of a hug....I know, and for some reason I have allowed others who are so out of touch with thier own spirit man/inner god to overshadow the strength and power of my WOMBman. So yes if you are reading this....I went deep tonight...I deemed it necessary to revive the inner freak in me(wink!!!!!!!!). Bold and confident I am....that one day I will come to know my helpmate as intimately as I am coming to know myself.~REAL SLOW~

p.s. Letting Go....and Just Being


falling inlove with Naki



Peace

Live, Laugh, Love (In no particular order)

About a month ago, a good friend of mine reached out to me for a request for his 35th birthday celebration that will be held this Thursday at the Ice Bar/Restaraunt here in Toledo, OH. The request was for me to write a spoken word piece/poem for this event and read it in front of his guest, alot of them I know personally, but it was so significant because he wanted me to write about life and the beauty that we should come to know in our own journeys. Once again, I experienced a moment where I felt like God was speaking to me and telling me, "Naki, think about why I'm having Keith ask you to write this?"....

so after much thought and feeling so unprepared or unexperienced to write a piece of this caliber, tonight I was able to push past all the tension and find the words to put together to capture what was a true and destined assignment. I doubt that I will have this poem memorized by Thursday, but I will do my best to get most of it down. Please open your hearts to recieve these words...Happy Birthday Keith a.k.a. (PM, hahaha...only you and I can get away with calling each other porch monkey and darkie...it's our inner child). One day I know the world will know you for your great wisdom, impactful words, and great humor. You are my favorite comedian. Kool Keith rocks!!!!Thank you for believing in my gift and supporting me throughout the years homeslice. This one is for you. Peace


watch this hilarious video of Keith!!!!!!! (grab some tissues folks)

Live,Laugh,Love~

I suppose that when I arose
This morning
That my very first breath taken
Was to acknowledge
The creator, for in that moment
I realized that I had
An entire 24 hours to live,
Once more, I’m sure
To give what dwells within
My spirit, I’m convinced
This is the inner truth
Spoken, I can hear it
Pour through my heart
Seep through my pores
Everyday when my eyelids open
I will call it an Encore.

What if we had it backwards
And our life experience was
All a dream, would you be
Satisfied with your creative
Thought? And I’m for certain
That in my years upon this
Earth that one thing my life
Has taught me is that there
Are these two concrete extremes
Valleys and mountains,
Highs and lows, and significantly
Each plays an important role
In allowing us all to find
A balance.

So in case you might have stopped
Living, the best way to start
Is find peace by knowing
Who you are, listen to some
Jazz, go for a bike ride,
Read a book, learn to swim
Laugh at someone’s joke,
Say thank you after ordering
Your food at a drive thru,
Learn to love you, and in
Doing so don’t forget to
Acknowledge that every
Day that your eyes open
Implies that God is not done
With you yet, never forget
That two things that are
Promised are life and death.
I know some who are dead and
Walking, and others who
Have passed and are alive and
well thriving through memories.

I suppose that when I arose
This morning that this
Art spoken would become
My own living scripture
So as I close my eyes tonight
The picture of my next
Adventure will come alive
And before my eyes
My next dream for this life
May arrive….with
You all in mind
Until next time,
Live and be glad that you did.

ESOTSM

Quote of the day~
"You can't make a wrong into a right but you can keep something right from going wrong"~anonymous



that quote.....the movie i watched today, "Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind", the series of events that have taken place over the past few days, hell, the past three months...have put me in a place of stillness. trying to quiet my mind and understand how did things end up here. i started a writing today (the hope is to make it a book, with much dedication and discipline to sit down daily and to something to it), and i actually caught a glimpse of the date. august 8, 2010....lately i've been trying to be more aware of what is going on with the universe, the cycles of the moon and how that relates to my mood, and not that i want to dismiss my actions, but more or less bring awareness to the season and events that have tremendously impacted my life in the past year, is that a year ago i lost the most dear person to me. my aunt pan, was truly a mother, role model, a friend, a confidant, a spiritual guide in my life and when i lost her, i can honestly say, my world stopped. time stopped. my heart stopped. life stopped, for me. i have spent the past 365 days dedicated to healing, to putting one step in front of the other, some days are better than others and some days i fail miserably. i have had to learn to smile, when deep down inside i was crying to the world, please someone save me. i have tried not to snap on the people i love the most for not understanding the depth of my loss, and most of all i have had to deal with the questions from akia about aunt pan that come randomly and signify the impact that she had on my daughter even in the early years of akia's life (and she's only 4)...i think the point that i'm trying to get across is that lately (hell all my life), i've had issues with letting go. accepting things having to be a certain way, all of which are seemingly out of my control. no amount of anything can change the outcome of the loss in which i've been subject to feeling and interestingly enough i can now acknowledge, that the sense of loss is what ties and connects all these events together. so in essence my most recent battle stemmed from the sense of losing something that i found to be very valuable in my life. maybe i should take the time and conduct a list of these things to see how i can learn to move past the hurt and the grief that i have appartently stored up inside. i think this blog is the very reason why i don't like to get close to people. simply because naturally i gravitate towards their spirits and vice versa and i love hard. i emotionally connect with them trying to relate and understand who they are as human beings and everytime, i seem to push people away, when all i want is for them to stay. off on a tangent i have gone, and grant it, i started this initial blog off about my aunt, and no i don't believe i pushed her away, but i brought up her death as a way to usher in the idea that maybe i'm still grieving. maybe i have yet to truly heal from alot of things (I know that is the case) and i'm actually okay with admitting that i'm petrified of the idea or thought of getting remotely close to anyone at this point in my life for fear of letting them down by them getting to know the real Naki, flaws and all. folks so hear you have it, sort of an outline that will tie into my book eventually...but before i go, the movie "Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind" was phenomenal. Creatively and honestly it touched on a concept that no matter how hard we try to erase memories of people we love, there will always be something, or somone to remind of us that experience, memory, or connection, that we had with that person...

Recap on the things I feel I have lost~

1. Pandora Harrell~she was the glue that held my entire family together. When she passed, my grandfather stopped living, and six months later passed away from heartbreak. Family gatherings have ceased, my mother and her sisters have fallen out and don't remain as close as they used to be. and so I have yet to step back on WVA soil, and I probably won't return. The family house will never be the same, and my grandmother has made up in her mind to move back into the house on the hill alone. Nothing seems exciting anymore. I can still remember our last phone conversation, me reading the poem I wrote her...In essence if my aunt were still alive, I belive that my family would be a lot closer. At least more close than where we are now...and that rings true with the saying "That things will NEVER be the same".

2. I've only known you for all of maybe five months. And I felt like I knew you longer than people that I have known for five years. The moment I felt you pull away. I fought tooth an nail, to keep you close. Although my lips were sealed my heart screamed please find the value in us laughing and hanging out. Somewhere I lost your interest. I lost your conversation. And I enjoyed you like I enjoyed eating my favorite stawberry cheesecake. and now that I have written things and put them into the atmosphere which has ultimately impacted the nature of our friendship I don't know if things will ever be back to where they were. And so I am left with this empty feeling of Joel (more so than Clementine) to erase the memories because I don't know how to fix this....

3. i've pondered even writing this one but i find the value in mentioning it because at some point i will have to have this conversation with akia. eleven years ago i made a decision that greatly impacted my life. i chose to engage in adult activities that i knew not the consequences and or outcomes of my actions or the impact that they would have on me physcially and or mentally. eleven years of mistaking a physical act for a deeper yearning of love and trust, that i was never given. and so the loss that i feel froom that is my time, my worth, and my value as a woman. trying to rebuild the structure of my temple that i no longer find sacred. *wheew....that made me get teary eyed*

4. we've been at this for five years now....and to me we have failed miserably. i have never known someone to hate me in the manner in which you do. and knowing that i would do anything to go back to the moment and or situations that put us in this place...to get it right. somewhere deep inside my being im still searching for forgiveness from you and validation and it serves no purpose. inspite of everything that has happened between us, i still wish the best for you. it takes to much NRG to hate, and I'd rather teach Akia and Ej how to forgive than hold a grudge.

5. my mother's trust...i could mention the incident in which i felt i lost this but i don't think i ever really had it so it wouldn't matter.


all in all, i think this list of 5 is enough to marinate. i'm off to bed. i have a headache...and let's hope and pray that i get some major cleaning done and the proposal for the F.O.C.U.S. project completed

To Every Action There Is A Reaction~

this blogspot was intended to be for the way in which i would share with people my poetry, and happenings of my life. as of late it has turned into a battle ground of which i am not happy to admit.

i have been talking with my sis majority of the day, and as usual she reads me well. she tells me the truth about myself and i listen because i trust her to say the things from a place of wanting to see me happy and to grow. and she knows my heart and intentions. even when i'm wrong she shows me that there is place where things do get better. (when?)

the question of the day has been "what do you do now, Naki?" and i honestly do not have an answer. i have mixed emotions about the situation, i feel misunderstood and i feel as though i have misunderstood the person/friend of whom which i have deeply hurt and offended through my actions. i feel that an apology on my end would not take his pain away or dislike of me at this moment. so i admit that in all honesty, i don't have the courage to articulate the things inside that are built up in my heart. i just really don't. i can't look him in his face and know that i was responsible for him feeling the way he feels now. so i'm just going to be still for awhile. be quiet and keep to myself and just let Time*N*Space hopefully heal this wound that has been created.

i've said it before and it is so apparent now, that hurt people hurt people...and I need to just get my shit together and stop hurting the people I care and love the most.

my deepest apologies,

Naki Camille~

p.s. forgiveness is a process :( God what a mess...

Quote of the Day

I have 2 today....let it Marinate (signing out!)

"When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight." Khalil Gibran

"No one achieves greatness by becoming a generalist. You don't hone a skill by diluting your attention to its development. The only way to get to the next level is to FOCUS." John C. Maxwell

peace and poetry,

Naki C. Akrobettoe

The Last Purge~

He's my muse, I'm amused by the slightest things, his touch, yes I confess. I care for him so much. He's my adreniline rush, he makes my heart crush...and I trust with all the God in me....that I've never felt such a calm in one man's presence but from where I stand, these words were the end before it ever began.

the confessional~

1.yo, I'm concluding that I'm a Narcissicist. I have: Narcissistic Personality Disorder....and the first step to my recovery is to admit that I possess some of the characteristic traits...but truth is, ALOT OF PEOPLE do...but whatever. I'm about to go through this process of listening to my own inner voice and heal the WOMB-man that houses so much pain, hurt, wounds, and negativity. I'm ready to discover the power within. this is me being honest with self and on that note...

2. i learned how to make an expresso shot last week, and it was the most fulfilling thing I've don't lately!!!!

3. the fact that you and i have come to know each other so well, means that we don't really know each other at all. #imjustsaying

4. i have the urge to go purchase some more crayons and coloring books and color with the kids tonight at the table. maybe even paint. (terrified of the mess, but isn't that what newspaper is for) we will be at the library, for tuesday night family night that i've started.

5. 365 days my family and friends put to rest my angel, aunt, bestfriend, mentor...Precious P, R.I.H.....I love you :) your words you spoke to me, are ALIVE and well.

4. I'm working on a potential project with the director of the African American Enrichment Office at The University of Toledo geared towards challenging students to be more aware of their lives, responsibilites, and actions, by tracking their lives in a journal throughout the course of the semester. The writing is supposed to serve as creative outlet to express themselves and reflect on things that they may not conciously take into consideration or observe in their everday life. can we say #stoked

5. I'm going to a friends wedding this saturday that will be held in this amazing hip hop art gallery!...(my goal is to potentially catch the boquet, lmbo!)

6. I can't really reveal too much information just yet, but let's just say October/November are going to be major months in my career. I LOVE MY PASSION: POETRY

7. I made a mix cd, that I intend to dance to everyday...the goal is to allow my spirit to be free and dance away the negative NRG that keeps me stagnant and unable to move freely in my spirit, body, and mind...

8. random side note, but this has definitely been proven: Men always come back....(nuff said, the words speak for themself)

9. I'm uber ecstatic about my final two semesters of graduate school....PhD here I come :)!

10. I thoroughly enjoyed talking with my sister, Tish today....I love you StarFly. And more often than not I see how similar we are...bot bulls, my journey resembles yours and I hope to discover the truth about my self, like you have discovered your own. It's been amazing to see your growth. Eye Rise....



and the last thought that I desire to share is part of a verse that I'm working on:

In the beginning He loves me, he loves me not, Hoping that one day he comes around my heart won’t stop/ beating with the pace of this chase to heal what’s been done, for me to question whether
HE’S the one/ honest answer, yes I confess til my chest compressed while I choke back the tears, and admit that all along I feared/ he would be just like the rest of them, but the truth is he’s the best of them/ best friend opened his home, supported my shows, God truly knows my love for him grows/ deeper than the Mariana trench/ better than wonderful he’s heaven scent/ cliché’ for me to say that he’s the hi-LIGHT of my day/I pray to lose him not, I give him what I got/ and for what it’s worth/ I love him unconditionally past the hurt/in 2 me I c /his reflection, strong protection is a blessing/

NEW POEM!!!!! *KISS and TELL*

DISCLAIMER: it has been months since i've been able to purge in the form of my passion, poetry...WRITER'S BLOCK IS A B%&$H!!!!!...but after an eventful week of miscommunication, misunderstandings, smart mouth(s), a SMACK/GRAB on the rump, and a successful E-Zone Poetry Night @ The Ground Level Coffee House (Pillow Talk I), I was somehow able to tap into my creative and center and do something that I've avoided to do as of late: BE 100 hunnnad w/ Self *LMBO* so behold my latest heartfelt...mushy gushing...lovey dovey...poem that no man/woman can deny me or take away



~KISS and TELL~


I positioned myself in front of your tall slender temple
To grant me my only wish, so simple how your
lips pressed to my forehead, My cheeks within your grip
and for a moment I thought we exchanged just a kiss
but in essence it was the very moment that
our hearts spoke syllables disguised by the sense
of touch, that we desired so much more at that very moment,
so potent and intense the oxytocin released
ushering in the very heat that I like to define as LOVE.

See whether it’s 3 wks or 3 years, I decided by my choice and close
Observations that you are the kind of man, I wouldn’t
Mind the opportunity to extend my hand, and in doing so
I know that the moment our fingertips meet,
I will feel the pain hidden beneath your smile,
The pain that you hide all the while trying to define
Your masculinity, but the intensity to heal you sexually
Keeps burning inside me, rising sea of waves
Motion in the ocean of my tears, so consumed by fears and the
Idea of being held by you, takes me back to the tangible….

That all I truly want to share with you is
A handful of bath salts sprinkled in warm water,
Lights dim, it’s roughly past ten, candles scented
The vanilla smell permeating the room, and there
We dance in the nude to our favorite tune, your pick
….I don’t care, just grateful to be in the moment
As we stare past what has been to what is now,
Pleasure beyond romance, reviving the sensual healing
By a much needed slow dance.I dare you to give me the
Chance to fulfill my fantasy,…”Have this dance with me?”

See I decided that if I had things my way then
I would be fine with getting lost in the way
You make words rhyme, because just to
Hear you speak is like being reintroduced to
My first love, POETRY, as though you we’re
My first….time, my first line, my first high, that first
Good cry, you know the kind accompanied
With a powerful thrust, that makes my throat
Tight, as I do everything in my power to hush….

Because what I’m really trying to say is that
The reason I find it so hard to talk to you,
Is because I have a crush, that has encased my heart
To the point where I’m afraid to exude the patience
To allow passion and friendship to mix
My stubbornness is the eclipse
And you are my light sun,
I am your earth…round and full
Hoping that we both
Will be able to use our source of energy
To build and not destroy
What has now become the center of my dreams….

The very first kiss is all that I see
Colors of the rainbow swirled together
Calm beats my heart
And laughter feels my soul,
And you wonder how I know
All of this….

I stopped breathing
And came to life
Trying to find the
Words to write
What my heart has
Not the courage to say…..

But I believe my lips pressed to yours
Betrayed me and confessed
That you have been
Engraved in my soul…
With you my purpose
Is simply, to GROW
By just letting go
Of my past
And embracing the future
Of NOW.




e suomo waa,

blackblossom

3rd Timez The Charm!!!!!!!!!

True Story:

It's March and I'm flipping through facebook and stumble across a poetry slam event, that is followed by a concert which include musical artist, Eric Roberson, Bobby Valentino and someone who obviously was not that important because I simply can't remember, but regardless, all I wanted to see was Erro!!!!!! Like you clearly don't understand my infatuation with this man and his music. He speaks to my soul and not only that he is a phenomenal song writer. So I get to the poetry event...and me being a poetry lover, I stay until the poetry slam was over because I wanted to see the winner. Well once it was over those individuals who had bought tickets to both the slam and concert had to stand in a particular line. And while in line waiting with my homegirl Chera and good frined Scottie, I notice walking out the ballroom door was this man who looked oddly familiar follwed by three other men in all black. Chera points at the men who are now walking in our direction and says, "There goes your boy right there!" and I look again and now standing before me (literally an arm length distance away from me)is Eric Roberson. I completely froze in shock and smiled and he walked away quickly down the stairs and at that moment I had questioned why he was walking in the opposite direction of the ballroom only to come find out that I had just missed his set! You talk about being heartbroken....clearly my luck was not with me that day. I guess the only thing I really took from that night was learning that Bobby Valentino is 4'11"! Hilarious. Well second time was about a month ago, Erro was scheduled to be in Columbus at the VonJazz. Me and my god sis, Kat were supposed to go, be in V.I.P. and live it up! Well life "lifed" on me and I was not in the position to drive down that particular weekend so I had to back out, sadly. Well here we are two tries in, and this weekend I will have the opportunity to see Eric Roberson! But get this...I can see him twice if I so choose. He will be in Detroit on Friday at the Charles Wright Art Museum and also in Cleveland, where my good friend Myron Ruffin is putting together a family festival featuring musical acts such as, The Temptations, Morris Day, Choklate, and Eric Roberson. Grateful for my friend Lagik a.k.a LaDiddy (lmbo, don't ask!) but in prior conversation I had mentioned that I needed a vacation and he opted to take me anywhere I so desired. My pick was Chicago or Philly, but with the YAAW program, personal things going on at home, and just trying to "BE STILL" I went with just going somewhere local and not too far from Toledo....And so Detroit it is....to see Eric Roberson! I'm having a pretty good feeling that it will be a great night for business networking as well. The last concert that I attended, I met T3 from Slum Village, and had a great heart to heart with Monica Blaire. I know my life will consist of these two things because they are my passion, writing and music. So each day I watch the story unfold as it may.

sn of inspiration: Praying for direction~I've been reflecting on either getting my PhD in Education or switching over my Master's to Secondary Education in English. All I know is I'm more than half way done with my Master's and May 2011 seems oh so very close. I had to check myself the other day because the reality is that I'm presently doing what I always wanted to do teaching poetry to kids in the community. It starts small and grows big. I found myself wondering where will I see myself ten years from now. I will have a 14 yr old and a 12 yr old....lol, I'm not ready for the teenage years. But I'm all about the positive thinking. Create what you want...and I want peace and healing and joy....and I"m all about getting my heart's desire. So now that I clearly went on a tangent....off to clean I go (NOT!). I'll be back, in the meantime miss me just a lil!

xoxox,

Nick Nack

Once Upon a "HOT" Summer Day

....so once again it's another 90 degree day! And my house is in no way equipped for the heat, so after a long day of searching for an air conditioner unit, I ended up purchasing a $20 fan! Absolutely ridiculous, but I have managed to create a wave of cool air that has kept me and the kids cool...Someone had mentioned on their facebook status that just four months ago people were complaining about the cold weather wanting the heat to come and now that it is here, we complain about it being too hot and now wanting it to be cooler. Well let me be the first to say, I've never been an advocate of HEAT, even when I went to Ghana the heat is different there than here in the states. The humidity alone makes things unbearable, but I've always been a fan of cooler temperatures. Fall being my favorite season (one because all I can think about is rainy chill days, wrapped up in my scarves, can't wait to rush home and get under a blanket and cuddle!) It's the lover in me that romanticizes the seasons but anyways yeah I'm in desperate need for it to cool off for the sake of my breathing! I give it a month and once school starts back up, things will calm down.

I've been in a real lazy mood lately so I've been slacking on keeping up with the blog, let alone with my house. You talk about just bein pure exhausted by the sight of looking at what all needs to be cleaned up, well that's me. I've written a plan room by room how I would tackle things and yet and still I can't motivate myself to do a thing. The reality is as long as things aren't to the point of causing health issues then I'm okay...and in all honesty they are minor things, ie. laundry (I ABSOLUTELY HATE FOLDING CLOTHES!) and straightening up so that clothes and toys are no longer on the floor. Check back with me in three days and hope that my NRG levels are much higher and I've been more productive than as of late. I still keep a smile on my face.



Well the last thing I wanted to share with you all is Friday my "Poetic Fireballs" (the other group is the "Poetic Rockstars")blew me away in class. I had them write about what their lives would look like written from beginning to end, and I was amazed by what my kids wrote. When I tell you that girls and guys were in there wiping eyes, and asking for tissues I mean it. As I expressed before I began teaching I realized going into this that before my students could actually begin to write on the theme "SOuLiARt", they first had to release some things personal that they had bottled up inside and the only way to get them to express themselves in that manner was to establish a relationship with them where they felt comfortable enough with me and comfortable with the privacy of their journals...and within a four week period I've been able to establish both. So bravo class, you all make me very proud and you each inspire me to keep pressing on in my own writing. Now let's finish strong with these next two weeks to produce some poetry for the Tarta Buses :)

words of inspiration: Do what you love, and love what you do....for when you have both that is when you realize your purpose (that girl good!lmbo)

love u 2 life,

Miz Naki *smile*

Just Be Part 3

DISCLAIMER: One word that I despise when people tell me to do this is "RELAX", especially people who exploit my sensitivity, lol and always deem everything I do as EMOTIONAL. So tonight I'm on this "I LOVE MYSELF TO LIFE" kick and it's simply this, the very things about my personality and or my emotions that often times annoy or drive people away, are the very things I have come to learn, appreciate, and embrace about myself. Immadome....I empathize with people well and for business purposes, yeah in the words of Dilla, I'm "Working on it!", the part that deals with balancing both the emotional aspect of my human nature and not letting that keep me from thinking logical...but for the most part, I don't think I'm that bad of catch...If I dare pull out a locked text from my past that reads "you official, I just needed say that!)...it was a simple compliment that I hold dear to my heart as a reminder that my imperfections, flaws, and great traits make me the woman who I am today....ALL OF ME. and on that note...

I was going over some old poems from my facebook page, and I stumbled acrossed a series of poems that are entitled "Just Be" and so I want to include the most recent Just Be Part 2...i simply love it becuase it holds so much truth, but most importantly I feel a little brewing within to attempt what has seemed impossible as of late, and that's write poetry, so here is the old poem...N'JOY!

Just Be Part 2~

he dodged my question
like Neo did bullets,
in the Matrix and
bended left with his
response, “Just Be”.
I smirked by his sheer
cool pose, sweat
running down brow
because pressure
rose through my words.
all I ever desired was
honesty. even by
omission it is still
a lie. so in the height
of our discussion
my heart pulled back
and I smiled with a
simple response,” bet”.


and on that note, i'm off to watch "Notorious" (and yes for the first time, stay off me!)

enjoy these musical selections from my favorite female emcee/poet/singer L-Boogie...I chose this song for a reason. Just feels befitting of the place where I'm at regarding the idea of love at this point in my life...

Things Other Than Love....NOT!

I saw this quote on a friends facebook page and I had to re-post this!

‎"A man reserves his true and deepest love not for the species of woman in whose company he finds himself electrified and enkindled, but for that one in whose company he may feel tenderly drowsy."
George Jean Nathan
Love and Oxytocin in tandem

*let it marinate*

onto other news, I stumbled across this article and it was quite intriguing to say the least...I felt like the points being made were very valid, but again I find myself saying, what do people expect, it's f*@%ing America! So do me a favor, let me borrow you your eyes and read this and feel free to comment.

"Imagine if the Tea Party Was Black" - Tim Wise

Let’s play a game, shall we? The name of the game is called “Imagine.” The way it’s played is simple: we’ll envision recent happenings in the news, but then change them up a bit. Instead of envisioning white people as the main actors in the scenes we’ll conjure - the ones who are driving the action - we’ll envision black folks or other people of color instead. The object of the game is to imagine the public reaction to the events or incidents, if the main actors were of color, rather than white. Whoever gains the most insight into the workings of race in America, at the end of the game, wins.

So let’s begin.

Imagine that hundreds of black protesters were to descend upon Washington DC and Northern Virginia, just a few miles from the Capitol and White House, armed with AK-47s, assorted handguns, and ammunition. And imagine that some of these protesters —the black protesters — spoke of the need for political revolution, and possibly even armed conflict in the event that laws they didn’t like were enforced by the government? Would these protesters — these black protesters with guns — be seen as brave defenders of the Second Amendment, or would they be viewed by most whites as a danger to the republic? What if they were Arab-Americans? Because, after all, that’s what happened recently when white gun enthusiasts descended upon the nation’s capital, arms in hand, and verbally announced their readiness to make war on the country’s political leaders if the need arose.

Imagine that white members of Congress, while walking to work, were surrounded by thousands of angry black people, one of whom proceeded to spit on one of those congressmen for not voting the way the black demonstrators desired. Would the protesters be seen as merely patriotic Americans voicing their opinions, or as an angry, potentially violent, and even insurrectionary mob? After all, this is what white Tea Party protesters did recently in Washington.

Imagine that a rap artist were to say, in reference to a white president: “He’s a piece of shit and I told him to suck on my machine gun.” Because that’s what rocker Ted Nugent said recently about President Obama.

Imagine that a prominent mainstream black political commentator had long employed an overt bigot as Executive Director of his organization, and that this bigot regularly participated in black separatist conferences, and once assaulted a white person while calling them by a racial slur. When that prominent black commentator and his sister — who also works for the organization — defended the bigot as a good guy who was misunderstood and “going through a tough time in his life” would anyone accept their excuse-making? Would that commentator still have a place on a mainstream network? Because that’s what happened in the real world, when Pat Buchanan employed as Executive Director of his group, America’s Cause, a blatant racist who did all these things, or at least their white equivalents: attending white separatist conferences and attacking a black woman while calling her the n-word.

Imagine that a black radio host were to suggest that the only way to get promoted in the administration of a white president is by “hating black people,” or that a prominent white person had only endorsed a white presidential candidate as an act of racial bonding, or blamed a white president for a fight on a school bus in which a black kid was jumped by two white kids, or said that he wouldn’t want to kill all conservatives, but rather, would like to leave just enough—“living fossils” as he called them—“so we will never forget what these people stood for.” After all, these are things that Rush Limbaugh has said, about Barack Obama’s administration, Colin Powell’s endorsement of Barack Obama, a fight on a school bus in Belleville, Illinois in which two black kids beat up a white kid, and about liberals, generally.

Imagine that a black pastor, formerly a member of the U.S. military, were to declare, as part of his opposition to a white president’s policies, that he was ready to “suit up, get my gun, go to Washington, and do what they trained me to do.” This is, after all, what Pastor Stan Craig said recently at a Tea Party rally in Greenville, South Carolina.

Imagine a black radio talk show host gleefully predicting a revolution by people of color if the government continues to be dominated by the rich white men who have been “destroying” the country, or if said radio personality were to call Christians or Jews non-humans, or say that when it came to conservatives, the best solution would be to “hang ‘em high.” And what would happen to any congressional representative who praised that commentator for “speaking common sense” and likened his hate talk to “American values?” After all, those are among the things said by radio host and best-selling author Michael Savage, predicting white revolution in the face of multiculturalism, or said by Savage about Muslims and liberals, respectively. And it was Congressman Culbertson, from Texas, who praised Savage in that way, despite his hateful rhetoric.

Imagine a black political commentator suggesting that the only thing the guy who flew his plane into the Austin, Texas IRS building did wrong was not blowing up Fox News instead. This is, after all, what Anne Coulter said about Tim McVeigh, when she noted that his only mistake was not blowing up the New York Times.

Imagine that a popular black liberal website posted comments about the daughter of a white president, calling her “typical redneck trash,” or a “whore” whose mother entertains her by “making monkey sounds.” After all that’s comparable to what conservatives posted about Malia Obama on freerepublic.com last year, when they referred to her as “ghetto trash.”

Imagine that black protesters at a large political rally were walking around with signs calling for the lynching of their congressional enemies. Because that’s what white conservatives did last year, in reference to Democratic party leaders in Congress.

In other words, imagine that even one-third of the anger and vitriol currently being hurled at President Obama, by folks who are almost exclusively white, were being aimed, instead, at a white president, by people of color. How many whites viewing the anger, the hatred, the contempt for that white president would then wax eloquent about free speech, and the glories of democracy? And how many would be calling for further crackdowns on thuggish behavior, and investigations into the radical agendas of those same people of color?

To ask any of these questions is to answer them. Protest is only seen as fundamentally American when those who have long had the luxury of seeing themselves as prototypically American engage in it. When the dangerous and dark “other” does so, however, it isn’t viewed as normal or natural, let alone patriotic. Which is why Rush Limbaugh could say, this past week, that the Tea Parties are the first time since the Civil War that ordinary, common Americans stood up for their rights: a statement that erases the normalcy and “American-ness” of blacks in the civil rights struggle, not to mention women in the fight for suffrage and equality, working people in the fight for better working conditions, and LGBT folks as they struggle to be treated as full and equal human beings.

And this, my friends, is what white privilege is all about. The ability to threaten others, to engage in violent and incendiary rhetoric without consequence, to be viewed as patriotic and normal no matter what you do, and never to be feared and despised as people of color would be, if they tried to get away with half the shit we do, on a daily basis.

Game Over.

Tim Wise is among the most prominent anti-racist writers and activists in the U.S. Wise has spoken in 48 states, on over 400 college campuses, and to community groups around the nation. Wise has provided anti-racism training to teachers nationwide, and has trained physicians and medical industry professionals on how to combat racial inequities in health care. His latest book is called Between Barack and a Hard Place.


and on that note, off to finish cooking tacos and watching my movies #lifeisgrand


SN:today I particularly missed him. but there is nothing like feeling like the odd ball out with your feelings or emotions. I put my NRG and attention else where and focused on "what is" and "not what ain't, (and yes and English major, said AIN'T *sue me*)...

off chilax!

PURE Randomness *smile*

So I remember the first night, I heard this song! It was about a month ago at my friend Rich's house. Ever since I've been hooked, but what brought so much meaning to the song was at my dad's 60th birthday celebration, he requested this song as the father/daughter dance with my sister's Hannah, Pamela, and myself (I'm the baby!). We had a blast dancing to this song. For a second during the dance I reverted back to my early childhood days when my father would take me to ghanian parties and he told me that I would get up and dance for his friends and they would give me money because of my energy and groovy dance moves at the mere age of 2! My mother used to always tell me that my Aunt Ada marked me when I was in the womb because I've always had a love and passion for dance (unfortunately my parents never cultivated that gift in me, lol, but I'm not mad). I still love to dance, and anyone who knows me, knows that I typically end up as the life of the party with my partner in crime/dance Brit Brit...Clearly this has turned into a tangent on dance, but I've gotten that off my chest, so enjoy the song.

SN: Babies are off in Cleveland enjoying their grandparents on their dad's side of the family, and I will truly say that I miss my kids. I've seen them for all of five days in the past month and they have truly been traveling. What I would give to be a kid again! But the latest happenings with them are, Akia is infatuated with Justin Bieber and E.J. now thinks he is Iron man and Spider man wrapped up in one. It's the cutest thing to see him jump off the couch and motion his hands as though he is launching the web from his wrists. Anyways Saturday night was a memorable moment for me, because after convincing them that they had to take baths in order to get popcorn before bed, they washed up and lotioned and did their usual routine after the bath(run around the house naked, lol) they climbed up on my bed, Akia at the foot of the bed and E.J. right next to me, and laid under the direction of the air blowing from the fan and passed out!.....I enjoyed the stillness of the air, and the peace of resting in my own bed (queen pillowtop!)in the comfort of my home with my children. It was rejuvenating for my soul and we all slept good. On that note, I look forward to their safe return Wednesday.

I intend to dedicate the next blog to my teaching experience thus far at YAAW (Youth Arts At Work). The program is in it's fourth week and I must say these kids amaze me every day. I've set something up with one of my students to actually do a written collab piece and perform it at the next "Village Voice Poetry Night" that is held every second Thursday at The Ground Level Coffee Shop (this place is like a drug for me).

Lastly before I go watch this movie, I want to close with a free write. I battled all day whether to write a "dear you" letter, and I know that I have to sort through my feelings before I can get this poem birthed out of me pertaining to this individual, but after I had a conversation this evening with one of my main mentors, Mr. Bush(I have so many, but for furture references I will mention them as JJ, Mr. Bush, Chera, Goddad, Span...those are the main ones presently) and he told me that he could see the hurt and loss all over me (he reads me well every time we get together to catch up. Anyways...after our conversation I felt compelled to write about the things I missed. I wanted to be candid about where I stand and how I desire things to be....so here I go putting things out there in the atmosphere hoping that my words are recieved.

free write/verbal vomit, and GO!

this song is for YOU...

I miss you. sounds simple. honest, pure and directly to the point. I asked myself for days how could I miss someone that was within arms reach, or who I could speak with face to face. How could I miss someone that I woke up to or went to sleep with right next to at times. And the answer came to me today...and it too is simple. It's deeper than you. It's not you necessarily that I miss, but our closeness. It's the spontaneous gestures, conversations, games of scrabble (and yes I"m indirectly mentioning you because no longer am I confident expressing my feelings for you)....the list could and does go on, but I needed you to know that before I go to bed, there are still things left unsaid. Maybe you've let go, pulled back, shut down, come to your senses about the reality of the situation, but truth is...nothing at this moment makes sense to me...and the only thing that does make sense is that my longing for the intimate conversation and vulnerable moments we once shared meant the world to me, because I could be myself with you without fear of judgment. I've said it before 7 days of secrets can change the nature of a friendship. experience and people's past can lead to self sabotage which I'm guilty of...because the moment insecurities crept up in my heart about you...I made choices that I now regret. If you read this....just know that my fondest memory of you to date has to be the day we we're standing outside the GL and it was raining...you had on this black shirt/ and your special jeans (monopoly...) with your glasses...and you reached to give me a hug and told me to come near...and as I did, you said without hesitation "Your shoulder.....", well for the sake of keeping it PG rated, lmbo....it wasn't about what you said but the moment of not caring who was around to see how much we enjoyed each others presence, laughter, and silliness...timing is everything and on that note....it's time for me to retire my mush mush talk.

....imperfections,flaws,temperment,strength,passion,humor,cadence,smile,laughter,sarcasm,education,hustle,drive....make you worth it.

and on that note, i'm going to tatoo Patience all over my heart. Let it go, walk away..."RELAX,TAKE A CHILL PILL, AND OVERDOSE"..

Peace homeslices!

Laughter Is Good 4 The Soul... *smile*

(disclaimer, this note was started at 11 pm ish....right before I was headed out to El Camino, with my homegirl Lish, and it is being completed now Saturday mornning...so these events are from Friday's happenings!)

So today was a very productive day! My class with the "Poetic Rockstars" went very well. I taught the kids today about the history of the Haiku, which is very interesting (wikipedia comes in handy if your interested in learning). One of my students actually wrote one of her haiku's in Japanese, can we say "DOPENESS". I was very impressed with their efforts because structurally speaking, haiku's are not easy to write. After that I was able to get my carpet cleaned in the house, so move back in day starts tomorrow! (The other day I went to the house just to lay on my bed in the middle of the day, and I was knocked out, drooling and all. Can't nothing top my pillowtop). But I'm super geeked to move back in. After that I spent the evening with the little ones and decided to treat them to the movies for family bonding time. We went to go see "Despicable Me" and I would like to say at first when the movie was in its first half hour, that I was not for certain how I felt about the movie's unruliness but as the storyline progressed I can personally say that this movie was A*M*A*Z*I*N*G!...I was tickled pink and really enjoyed the humor in the film...I think more so than my kids. So I concluded that I really needed that time with them, even though they showed their behinds prior to the movie starting. My children having been away for almost three weeks on vacation with grandpa has put them in fantasyland where they truly think they are entitled to getting everything their eyes set on, and it's not going to happen with me. I of course am the bad guy/meanie poo poo face for saying this lovely word "NO"! and that is okay. None the less Akia was able to get past her stinky attitude and actually laughed so that made my heart smile. I wanted them to enjoy it. I wanted them to know that mommy had to make moves in order for us to even go and that I love them unconditionally. I missed my babies while they were gone. *tear*....I will save the #itshardbeingaparentrant for a later date but on to music....

I would be remissed if I did not mention that the soundtrack to "Despicable Me" is the hotest thing I've heard lately...Me and Lish were sitting there bobbing our heads, snapping our fingers as if we were in the club about to get it in on the dance floor. Maybe I'm exaggerating a bit, lol, but it was actually quite entertaining to be so intrigued by the music score of the movie, which I learned was created and done by Pharrell Williams. My favorite track being the title track "Despicable Me" which you can check out on this link right Cheeerah (translated=HERE, lmbo!

http://theplaylist.blogspot.com/2010/06/despicable-me-soundtrack-features-lots.html

but on that note, I'm off to pick up the children from their dad's. We have a birthday party to attend, a graduations party to stop at, and then the grocery store....and later relaxing! Life is grand. Even through the up's and down's...Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

wisdom of the day (I'm blog jacking this from an amazing beautiful soul whose blog I've come to frequent and support: http://mirror2face.blogspot.com/ check it out!)

but this is what she said: "...I don't think I'm better than anyone else or more deserving of one thing over another. I also don't assume I know what's best for me (because although we LOVE to think that we do know what's best for ourselves, more often than not, we'll discover that what we want is entirely different from what we need."

Let it marinate!

*J Dilla Changed My Life*

Good morning my lovely fantabulous people :)....I hope you slept well. My morning has been interesting to say the least. Nothing bad, nothing great, just interesting. Well for the past few weeks I've been taking some time to reflect on some important decisions that will have to be made as far as my involvment in certain business ventures as well as re-prioritizing my schedule so that 1.) I don't find myself in a similar place of taking on too much at once 2.) I learn how to define for myself the things and or organizations that I want to be involved with and how I determine what I desire to contribute. With that being said, I have yet to make any clear cut decisions but a member of an organization I'm apart of text me last night out the blue checking in on me to see how I was doing. I appreciated the gester and carried on with what I was doing at that present moment. Not shortly after the first text, another came through pretty much stating that they didn't want me and two other new members who have recently become apart of the movement to leave because they really enjoy the energy we bring to the team. Now without going into much back story, my sarcasism creeped up and I responded back with, "U must feel my heart bc truth be told I'm one foot out the door....". *i hold no bars* The response they gave was reassurance I thought that there was a hint of seriousness to my statement but also something that which was not definite. Anyways fast forward to this morning, I got a 6:37 (2 be exact) text from a different member, stating "I heard you have pulled out of ....(The group will go un-named)"...and all I thought to myself is this is the ish that I be talking about. My present gripe with the group/company is simple lack of organization and people running their mouths too much that does not involve business. What I have learned is this:....that messiness is contagious and at the present moment after incident after incident, I've realized that I'm not happy with how things have been handled. So yes I battle fears of people not speaking to me, holding grudges simply because I like everyone and I try to make the best out of the situation, but musically speaking, I've seen the worst. So with this text being recieved in the a.m., I could only imagine who else got this news. Now I'm left having to explain as well as establish a clear understanding of why I am ready to resign. The issue is not talking to these individuals, just knowing the right time and place to do it, and know this much...there will be more to this story.



On to some more good news...I got a chance to speak to my soul sister Kindra last night.... :)She is getting married August 7, 2010, and I'm really excited to have been invited to be apart of her joyous day, considering Kindra and I have only seen each other twice, and we connnected about two months ago randomly...but it was truly devine. God has been and still continues to connect the dots. With that being said Kindra is the VP of The J Dilla Foundation based out of Detroit, Michigan. I had been discussing ideas with my sis Iveriani (The Illest Publicist)that I would love to contribute towards the foundation in some way, so she told me to reach out to Kindra and just see what says. So we spoke last night and I pithced her the idea about me writing a blog for the foundation to keep the fans, supporters, business, musicians, and artist abreast on the latest happenings with the foundation. The great part about it is that Kindra currently was the one doing it, and she is beyond busy with a plate load of responsibilities...so not only was she excited and all for it, but it gives me the OPPORTUNITY to give back and contribute towards a good cause to a man who truly changed my life. So I have a few weeks to brainstorm some ideas....so considered it DONE. I asked to do this because I love to write. I love Dilla. and the discipline of maintaining a blog, will definitely help me be more consistent on my own personal blog as well as give me the experience of doing something that I've never done...and guess what I love the most is the fact that it's volunteer work. NO pressue just passion....

on that note, I think I'm starting to get a sense of direction.

......I'll be back later!

Ta Ta for now.

"Kissing you is like a game, let's play, holding you is like a dream, let's play" -Dwele track 15 is in heavy rotation.

*smile*