Catching up!

okay so I have alot to say...it has been three days since I last blogged (and that was on purpose). check out my recap!

Monday-so I woke up in a real melancholy mood. I had to pull it together for the kids that I am going to teach for the next six weeks for the YAAW program (Youth Art At Works). So I did just that, slugged my way through the morning, got dressed, ate my yogurt and bananna, and made my way to class. I was super nervous and not sure what to expect but just knew that I would allow my spirit to speak to me for the direction in which I was to teach the class. So I ended up taking my students (apprentices) early that morning because they had all actually arrived early, so as that all squeezed into the small art room, looking tired and dry, I thought to myself let me bring the liveliness to the room! I scribed on the chalk board with green chalk my favorite quote, "The pre-requisite is having something to say" by Langston Hughes, and quickly got their attention by asking who could explain the quote. One of the eager students raised their hand and broke it down for the class and from that point the class just flowed. I gave them three writing assignments that consisted of them writing about their feet, and the purpose that their feet served in their lives. Secondly they had to write about what it would be like to not have hands and what things would they feel limited to do without them. Then last, I played in a sentimental mood by Duke Ellington and John Coltrane and told them to write whatever came to mind by the song. I will have to say that these kids are simply brilliant. They each have their own individual voices already and I'm excited to nurture their gifts and talents. I can already make out which apprentice I admire thus far, but I'm excited to see their growth. My next class is Friday and I will have a different group. I'm still trying to figure out what I will have that class do, but I know it will be exciting. For the remainder of the day I slept all day in the bed, outside of running minor errands and then Monday night...took a turn. Remember said person in the last post, well I had decided to air some things off my chest. And by doing so I ended up seeing him and being able to truly make it known how I felt. Listen, by no means am I codoning his actions or the lack there of, but my spirit is always moved to be grateful for the little things, like the fact that he listened to every word I had to say. He heard my heart and my anger and frustration and that's all I asked for. At this point we agreed on being platonic friends (whatever that means) but at the end of the day....i disregard that is being in denial. I have concluded this: He's selfish, scared, and confused... (the state of most black men these days) and at the end of the day I have the choice to decide whether or not I think he is worth being patient with or waiting for, because how it has been taught to me is that ultimately a woman must wait on a man to be ready and decided when to take the relationship to the next level. But most importantly I think I as the woman has to realize my own divine power. Momma Renee said it best, "The best way to love a man is to love yourself"....so onto

Tuesday-I woke up from my rather intersting slumber party with my lil sis, my bff JoJo and Mr. ELM himself. We had made plans to all seize the day and go to the beach and relax and enjoy the day...that's what friends do. We got up early to drop Brit off at work and then we headed to Best Buy so I could buy Dwele's Album (which is quite different than what I'm used to, but I appreciate his artistry). After that our plans got detoured due to schedule conflict and so we just chilled all day pretty much playing scrabble, I attended my Ancient Egyption art class, then came back and cooked some baked tilapia and salmon patties (my food banged!)....the night ended quite differently but let's just say...


Pla·ton·ic
   /pləˈtɒnɪk, pleɪ-/ Show Spelled[pluh-ton-ik, pley-] Show IPA
–adjective
1.
of, pertaining to, or characteristic of Plato or his doctrines: the Platonic philosophy of ideal forms.
2.
pertaining to, involving, or characterized by Platonic love as a striving toward love of spiritual or ideal beauty.
3.
( usually lowercase ) purely spiritual; free from sensual desire, esp. in a relationship between two persons of the opposite sex.
4.
( usually lowercase ) feeling or professing platonic love: He insisted that he was completely platonic in his admiration.
....may not have been the definition to define our friendship...

and on that note that leaves me here at

Wednesday-

I woke up from a really good night rest and my initial plans with Momma Renee and then heading to detroit to kick it with Ma Dukes and Kindra had to be rescheduled so today I'm just relaxing. I have plans to head and pick up this camera so me and Jojo can start filming our lives, then pick up these flyers to pass out for the coffee house, class at 4 then SWIMMING w/ the homies! So on that note, I've typed a considerable ammount. and I don't want to bore you to death.

so I will close with this....patience is a virtue....ask yourself are you willing to be patient with others like they are patient with you?

peace & poetry,

Miz Naki

p.s. new poem coming soon

To Tired To Blog

It is now 2:18 am and I have to be up for my first day of teaching the Youth Art At Work kids by 8...and I simply can't sleep....for several reasons I just don't have the energy to truly go into depth about at this present moment. Sunday was simply not the day of rest for me at all. From the bs, I had to sit through at a business meeting for two hours and then having my heart handed back to me on a platter, I have shed enough tears in one day that could measure my lifetime (okay so i'm exaggerating A LOT)but I'm so exhausted. Overwhelmed by my Thursday night with Dwele, drained emotionally by my Friday night with "said person" (I won't mention any names) and in awe by my Saturday night having met Monica Blaire and all that she imparted to my spirit...and last but not least, my eventful Sunday business meeting topped off with being told "I"M JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU"...has left me with an array of emotions...I think at the end of the day, I'm truly exhausted and left with no words. (Shut down)So I'm going to do my best to get these five hour of sleep and mentally prepare myself to influence and impact these kids for the next six weeks.

poetry heals so I will leave you with a poem.

i figured you would run far
after we shared hearts
now i stand here alone sad.


p.s. JoJo, dear friend at the present moment I do not feel up to going to the Beach, but because I love the sand....I will oblige.

tbc

When I walked into Virgin Music Store

Almost eight years back, I couldn’t

Help the way my eyes zoomed in on

That chocolate, brown skinned brother,

Positioned so GQ’d smoothe on that cover,

From the way my eyes widened one

Would have assumed that we were

Old lova’s, being reacquainted, and I almost

Fainted by the sound of his soulful voice

The way his track “Flap Jack” made my

Body rock, I had no choice but to become

More than a fan so I copped that Subject, now

here I stand years later on my grind,

trying to blow your mind as I find a way

to put these words together

To spit over this 5 dollar mic just to get you all

Just a little bit hype, as I introduce an A.N.G.E.L.

Whose music will make you feel so good,

And don’t get it misunderstood the melodies

Were created to open your eyes Some kinda way,

Whether to inspire you to fall in love with music

This day or make love to his acoustics, let your soul rest as his

Band soothes it, you are destined to groove with

His vibe and accelerate to new heights, unveiling the spiritual

Truth through sound as I write these words, because I am a travelin’ girl

Who simply loves music, and I have found my soul

To be free as a bird because of what I’ve heard.

So with that being said, may these words

forever make your soul R.I.Z.E.,

Like Dwele lyrics make me cry and takes me to the place

Where I could let my hair down and write this

Poem hoping he may hear it

And my heart confesses my adoration

Through my spirit.

This just maybe what the World

Wants and Woman Need

And as I conclude what is only just beginning

I vow you won’t walk away empty,

Simply because this love ultra for poetry

Has caught you so unexpected,

So please without further adieu let me

Introduce you to the man of the

Hour, with soul power to transform

Your life with his verse,

Given the name of “God brought me” from birth….



Behold the sketches of this man….Dwele

Sunshine and Rainy Days

So yesterday began a new week, and I must say that Sunday was very productive for me. I woke up around 8 am after my crazy saturday night at PePe's (A Black owned Mexican Restaurant, hmmmmmm....what are the odds?)with Brit Brit, and decided to do some cleaning. I am a firm believer that cleaning the house is a healing and cleansing process to the spirit as well as our home environment reflects how we feel on the inside, so I needed to get things under control! So I finished cleaning the living and the kitchen, straightened up my bedroom, and started to do laundry. After that is was off to adventure the city of Toledo. I ended up at Brit's until my good friend JoJo called for me to come pick him up from the bus station. After that we headed back to Brit's and then the laughs began! He decided that he was going to get us hip to the tv series, "Community"....and all I have to say is I truly needed that laugh. That tv series is ridiculously funny, and racist, and brilliant all in the same. And as odd as that may sound, it's the truth. If you have yet to watch it, brace yourself and pay very close attention. Clearly I am now a fan. Now onto business, this Thursday is Dwele's Listening/Album Release Party, that my fellow friends/business partners are hosting and I volunteered my poetic skills to take some of his song titles and put them into a poem, so at the end of this blog, you will set your eyes on a treat. This week is schedule to be a very busy week, but I love busy. It keeps me focused and busy. Now onto health matters, this is my wisdom for the week so listen up, I went to the ER yesterday to get this rash checked out that literally popped up out of nowhere, and I was diagnosed with SHINGLES! (that makes me sound soooooo dirty but I'm not, trust I shower 2-3 times a day) but I will say this if you don't know what Shingles are they are chicken pox but in adults basically and more severe, and they can be deadly if they are properly treated. But the most important thing is that they are caused by stress. I know as of late, I have had money woes, and father of my children stress, my children acting out in their behavior, feeling overwhelmed with all my other side hustles (promoting my album, SoulBeat Music Group, managing a group, etc etc....I do it all) and the reality that I have come to is my HEALTH comes #1. I am no good to my kids or any other organizations that I'm invovled with if I don't take the initiative to take of myself, and that means getting the adequate rest, eating the foods that will nourish my body, and finding the spiritual balance to keep pressing on in life. So these next two wks as the kids go to spend time with my parents...I plan to RELAX...something that I don't often do, or make the time to do. So I have this good book by Hill Harper that I plan to read, maybe go to the botanical gardens and fall asleep under the trees, take naps, go swimming...fall in love with myself all over again! And I'm excited. So like the professor in "Community" said start seizing the day.....Life will continue to have rainy days and sunshine. It's all about love balance and peace.

P.S. i'm posting the dwele poem in a different post

Today is a Brand New Day

i felt self sabatoge mode creep up on me a few days ago and with that feeling i had to check myself instantly because i refuse to take that route. not today, not tomorrow, not ever. so instead of doing a lot of talking i choose to write, or blog. i have to release this. and i'd prefer that it not be read but then again what is it exactly that i'm afraid of anyone seeing?

so anyways yesterday, i knocked out the majority of my dishes. it took about a good two hours off and on, to do them completely (and I know what you are thinking, "dang, that's wayyyyyy tooooooo mannnnnnny dishes") but considering i've been in this cook for the world (specifically my fellow friends, Independent Media)that in itself has accumulated alot of dishes, and i just have not had the energy to do all the dishes. not sure if this would help any but i have contemplated purchasing paper plates for the sake of limiting the dishes after all the damage is done! the point that i was initially trying to make before i got so easily sidetracked is that, it felt good to get my kitchen in somewhat of an order. whoever said trying to keep up a house, with two little bouncing balls of joy, and also the consistent visitation of guest, can be very challenging. but i so desire to find a balance to it all. so this is what i have come up with...

i believe i lack a bit of discipline and structure and to ensure that i stay on the same page in my efforts to be productive each day this is what my schedule will be.

6-6:30 (wake up for myself *this shall be a struggle *super sigh/sad face*)
6:30-7 writing/journaling
7-8 get the kiddies ready for school and out the house (not always an easy task)
8-10 go running/walking with brit or my trainer (this is a MUST)
10-11:30 (mon/wed/fri -Youth Arts At Work)
12-2 emails/errrands/business phonecalls
2-5 class
6-8 FAMILY TIME (park, playing with kids, watching movies, etc, dinner, bathtime)
9-12 my freetime to read, write, listen to music, clean up....love on self and well :)


So this is simple and I'm going to try to make this a habit. So as I stated before this is a Brand New Day. I'm dedicated to being a healthy me. Inspite of the stresses or pressures, that I feel that I have on my plate presently, I will always keep praise on my lips. I will keep my head lifted. I will love effortlessly because it was what I was created to do. I will keep moving one foot forward in front of the other. I will count my blessings and not dwell on the things that I can not change.

God allow my spirit to hear you and to move and act accordingly.

until next time keep *smiling*

Miz Naki

Verbal Vomit

mood: melancholy
song: "lay it down" by Dwele

I was uncertain what to title this rant/poem/blog/purge/ so here it goes...

7 days it took for God to create the world and everything in it.
it took 7 days, for miscommunication and a kiss to shift the nature
of how i relate to you...and i'm puzzled because in the back of my heart,
the blood that pumps through my chambers screams "fight for me". i lay on the
edge of my bed, trying to avoid red eyes and tear tracks that reflect remorse.
and then i whisper, "i love him"
not afraid to say what was never hidden and i try to rationalize the possibilites
and forget them...them words that he spoke that made me choke back on tears as
i held the phone because i didn't want him to know simply how much i cared.
he said it in his baby of baby voices, "i'm not ready" and after much contemplation
i thought to myself neither am i. but what i am ready for is what we have, and if what have is all that we are supposed to get, then i get that nothing in life is gauranteed than simply the RIGHT NOW...
every moment with you is cherished, and i hear it your laughter sometimes when i sleep. and it's the little things that you do that are sweet and unexpected
but somewhere between cloud 9 and back to the ground level of the situation
i'm sitting here contemplating how to wrap all my gifts, wants, desires, and needs for you in a box, place it on a shelf, and walk away as though they never existed.
i try to find the motivation within conversation to get lifted.
but somewhere i missed it, how shit got complicated.
and i think it goes beyond the fact that i'd be dedicated to waiting....
but the reality is I want you. I never said now.
not sure I would even know what that entails.
but I know...I need things to be slow.
i need your ability to teach me paitence because when I prayed for it, God sent me you and if I didn't have you then maybe i would have never learned my greatest lesson
to date...that timing is alway on, it's just knowing when it's RIGHT...
you were meant for me now.
maybe you were meant for me forever
but in the meantime
life is still an open book, and i've still got alot yet to learn.
so as your friend i'm asking for you to take this journey with me.
it's simple if we help each other study and apply what it is we learn along
the road with each other...then what is it that we really have to lose,
but everything to gain.

this pain i feel is only weakness leaving the body. this fear of losing your is being released because at the present moment neither one of us is ready for the unknown...but what i do know is that

we like dancing to music in the late night.
you sleep on the left side of the bed, wrapped in a blanket at all times.
i can sit next to you and not say a word and know exactly what you are thinking.
i completely honest with you about everything, literally, vunerlable, exposed
and happy just to see you in my presence.
your laugh is better than coacoa butter, and your touch is as necessary as a hug from my children. i'm not ashamed to be real about you, because at all times you present
the real you to me.

i vowed never to write a poem about you,
because i wanted my memories of you to be written in my heart.
never on a page that could be torn, burned, or ripped up.
or on a computer that could crash.
i wanted to scribe your importance in a place that you're slowly are healing....

my heart.

with love,

grateful for the man you are. torn, bruised, damaged goods and all....

A Man's World Chop (By J Dilla)

So I was sleep yesterday and when I heard this beat come on I was instantly awakened from beauty nap! The words just started coming to me and I knew that I had to get that beat looped someway shape or form, so I instantly hit up my boy JoJo (from the group Independent Media, check them out ya'll http://ygbstudentoflife.blogspot.com )to see if he could somehow loop the track for me. Well a few hours later, I had it in my email and instantly my thoughts were in motion. And this is what I came up with thus far. I am no way near done, but this was pure purging and I actually like what came forth from my frustrations and dealings with men as of late.

Verse 1:
I need a pen I need a pen/I need to write what’s within/ my heart has a gripe with men/hoping to make amends/didn’t meant to offend/and if I lie about how I feel/then count this as a deadly sin/I’m trying to ascend above this hate/holding out for mr Right, ha/ why should I even wait/ time is of the essence my heart is stone/ solo is my fate/ what’s my children supposed 2 do with an empty plate/ God forbid, being alone I contemplate/ I once believed in my equal mate/ 2 babies down a single mom is what I am/ I take pride in the fact that I bear this weight, so here I stand/in between where men and women don’t relate/escape the truth/do what they do/ ignore the obvious but it would be nothing to/ close my eyes and dream the perfect picture/ I rely on scripture, that God said it’s not good for man to be alone/


P.S. I'm not bitter...lol

tbc

In a "Blue" Kind of Mood....

my conversations with God as of late have been real super intense. i have found myself a couple of times at that point where i start to question, "God are you there? are you hearing me? do you see the things that are transpiring in my life?"...on the outside looking in, folks have easily judged me, as though i have it made. new(er) car, new house, album just dropped, completing a graduate program, etc. but the truth is i have my own personal battles and struggles that i deal with DAILY. i am not exempt nor should i be measured by things that can easily be taken away from my possession. and in similar words to Indie Arie's "I am not my hair"....I say, "I am not my THINGS". so with that being said before i get so easily distracted by the young teen to my left (Antreon) who i have allowed to come crash on my couch, i would like to say....i need a moment to BREATHE.

the closet that i have come close to doing that was the other day, i was on the docks in downtown Toledo. i sat still admiring the sun setting, and looking at the skyscraper buildings and just being calmed by the water and just meditated. life being the source of my thoughts, i pondered the question, "where will Naki be in a year"...and for the first time in a long while, i could not conjure up an answer. for i am certain that the way my life has been evolving over the past few years nothing is first, guaranteed and secondly my thoughts are not God's thoughts, and my ways are not God's way. so i sat there nervous, uncertain, and scared because i had now acknowledged that i was aware of not being in control.

see the truth is when you are busy busy busy, and you are involved with so much, you miss out on opportunities to just BE STILL or slow down to take things in. so as im winding down and slowly starting to find a certain level of balance to my chaotic life, i pause and reflect on all that is well in my life. whether they are temporary or permanent they are worth speaking on. and the list begins...

grateful 4: akia and ej, my mom and the relationship i had with my aunt pan, his baby voice (and the way he thinks...nuff said), my father, love, my sister's hannah and pamela, all my mentors (way too many to mention), wisdom, trails, strawberry yogurt, nivea lotion (lmbo), peanut butter soup, my love for writing...(and super random side bar, i just dozed off writing this rant, so i will finish this at a later date!)

peace, pause, poetry,

miz naki

p.s. too good to be true...it usually is. it is what it is.

being vulnerable....

he asked me, "yo, you take care of me, why?" lol
my response, "Simply because you let me"....

something about the way you laugh reminds me of snow-cones, the blue kind. the cold,
refreshing, and fulfilling kind when life gets too hot. that's you to me. i get scared at the thought of this simplicity ending, and the fact still remains that i more than "like" you, i take my time to "learn" you. Like the fact you enjoy sleeping on the floor, or you thrift shop and still make your attire amazingly sexy. even better you are the biggest fan of mustard and fries and as awkward as this may sound you write some of your best work on the toilet (i'm just saying!). and i like the randomness of it all. any given day this all could wash away with the tide, and maybe you are just meant for a season, so with that notion, i taste you slow, savoring every drop and i try not to miss you before you are gone. i catch myself asking the question, "what did i do to deserve you" but the honest truth is i have earned you through my efforts to be the best human I could possibly be. so i treat you with kindness and care and marvel at the fact, for the first time there is someone in my midst who understands the importance of reciprocity, who indulges in my simple nature, and laughs at my jokes. life is grand for those three reasons alone, lol! i thank God for you, and i smile at what God is doing and trust that the best has yet to come and if it has, i'm okay with acknowledging that I love you in the best way: I love you to LIFE. may our friendship outshine and survive what society believes is no longer possible. thank you for being you...

vulnerable right?....

15 Penstrokes by MizNaki

Please enjoy this track....album on sale now!