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Thursday, July 29, 2010

NEW POEM!!!!! *KISS and TELL*

DISCLAIMER: it has been months since i've been able to purge in the form of my passion, poetry...WRITER'S BLOCK IS A B%&$H!!!!!...but after an eventful week of miscommunication, misunderstandings, smart mouth(s), a SMACK/GRAB on the rump, and a successful E-Zone Poetry Night @ The Ground Level Coffee House (Pillow Talk I), I was somehow able to tap into my creative and center and do something that I've avoided to do as of late: BE 100 hunnnad w/ Self *LMBO* so behold my latest heartfelt...mushy gushing...lovey dovey...poem that no man/woman can deny me or take away



~KISS and TELL~


I positioned myself in front of your tall slender temple
To grant me my only wish, so simple how your
lips pressed to my forehead, My cheeks within your grip
and for a moment I thought we exchanged just a kiss
but in essence it was the very moment that
our hearts spoke syllables disguised by the sense
of touch, that we desired so much more at that very moment,
so potent and intense the oxytocin released
ushering in the very heat that I like to define as LOVE.

See whether it’s 3 wks or 3 years, I decided by my choice and close
Observations that you are the kind of man, I wouldn’t
Mind the opportunity to extend my hand, and in doing so
I know that the moment our fingertips meet,
I will feel the pain hidden beneath your smile,
The pain that you hide all the while trying to define
Your masculinity, but the intensity to heal you sexually
Keeps burning inside me, rising sea of waves
Motion in the ocean of my tears, so consumed by fears and the
Idea of being held by you, takes me back to the tangible….

That all I truly want to share with you is
A handful of bath salts sprinkled in warm water,
Lights dim, it’s roughly past ten, candles scented
The vanilla smell permeating the room, and there
We dance in the nude to our favorite tune, your pick
….I don’t care, just grateful to be in the moment
As we stare past what has been to what is now,
Pleasure beyond romance, reviving the sensual healing
By a much needed slow dance.I dare you to give me the
Chance to fulfill my fantasy,…”Have this dance with me?”

See I decided that if I had things my way then
I would be fine with getting lost in the way
You make words rhyme, because just to
Hear you speak is like being reintroduced to
My first love, POETRY, as though you we’re
My first….time, my first line, my first high, that first
Good cry, you know the kind accompanied
With a powerful thrust, that makes my throat
Tight, as I do everything in my power to hush….

Because what I’m really trying to say is that
The reason I find it so hard to talk to you,
Is because I have a crush, that has encased my heart
To the point where I’m afraid to exude the patience
To allow passion and friendship to mix
My stubbornness is the eclipse
And you are my light sun,
I am your earth…round and full
Hoping that we both
Will be able to use our source of energy
To build and not destroy
What has now become the center of my dreams….

The very first kiss is all that I see
Colors of the rainbow swirled together
Calm beats my heart
And laughter feels my soul,
And you wonder how I know
All of this….

I stopped breathing
And came to life
Trying to find the
Words to write
What my heart has
Not the courage to say…..

But I believe my lips pressed to yours
Betrayed me and confessed
That you have been
Engraved in my soul…
With you my purpose
Is simply, to GROW
By just letting go
Of my past
And embracing the future
Of NOW.




e suomo waa,

blackblossom

Sunday, July 25, 2010

3rd Timez The Charm!!!!!!!!!



True Story:

It's March and I'm flipping through facebook and stumble across a poetry slam event, that is followed by a concert which include musical artist, Eric Roberson, Bobby Valentino and someone who obviously was not that important because I simply can't remember, but regardless, all I wanted to see was Erro!!!!!! Like you clearly don't understand my infatuation with this man and his music. He speaks to my soul and not only that he is a phenomenal song writer. So I get to the poetry event...and me being a poetry lover, I stay until the poetry slam was over because I wanted to see the winner. Well once it was over those individuals who had bought tickets to both the slam and concert had to stand in a particular line. And while in line waiting with my homegirl Chera and good frined Scottie, I notice walking out the ballroom door was this man who looked oddly familiar follwed by three other men in all black. Chera points at the men who are now walking in our direction and says, "There goes your boy right there!" and I look again and now standing before me (literally an arm length distance away from me)is Eric Roberson. I completely froze in shock and smiled and he walked away quickly down the stairs and at that moment I had questioned why he was walking in the opposite direction of the ballroom only to come find out that I had just missed his set! You talk about being heartbroken....clearly my luck was not with me that day. I guess the only thing I really took from that night was learning that Bobby Valentino is 4'11"! Hilarious. Well second time was about a month ago, Erro was scheduled to be in Columbus at the VonJazz. Me and my god sis, Kat were supposed to go, be in V.I.P. and live it up! Well life "lifed" on me and I was not in the position to drive down that particular weekend so I had to back out, sadly. Well here we are two tries in, and this weekend I will have the opportunity to see Eric Roberson! But get this...I can see him twice if I so choose. He will be in Detroit on Friday at the Charles Wright Art Museum and also in Cleveland, where my good friend Myron Ruffin is putting together a family festival featuring musical acts such as, The Temptations, Morris Day, Choklate, and Eric Roberson. Grateful for my friend Lagik a.k.a LaDiddy (lmbo, don't ask!) but in prior conversation I had mentioned that I needed a vacation and he opted to take me anywhere I so desired. My pick was Chicago or Philly, but with the YAAW program, personal things going on at home, and just trying to "BE STILL" I went with just going somewhere local and not too far from Toledo....And so Detroit it is....to see Eric Roberson! I'm having a pretty good feeling that it will be a great night for business networking as well. The last concert that I attended, I met T3 from Slum Village, and had a great heart to heart with Monica Blaire. I know my life will consist of these two things because they are my passion, writing and music. So each day I watch the story unfold as it may.

sn of inspiration: Praying for direction~I've been reflecting on either getting my PhD in Education or switching over my Master's to Secondary Education in English. All I know is I'm more than half way done with my Master's and May 2011 seems oh so very close. I had to check myself the other day because the reality is that I'm presently doing what I always wanted to do teaching poetry to kids in the community. It starts small and grows big. I found myself wondering where will I see myself ten years from now. I will have a 14 yr old and a 12 yr old....lol, I'm not ready for the teenage years. But I'm all about the positive thinking. Create what you want...and I want peace and healing and joy....and I"m all about getting my heart's desire. So now that I clearly went on a tangent....off to clean I go (NOT!). I'll be back, in the meantime miss me just a lil!

xoxox,

Nick Nack

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Once Upon a "HOT" Summer Day


....so once again it's another 90 degree day! And my house is in no way equipped for the heat, so after a long day of searching for an air conditioner unit, I ended up purchasing a $20 fan! Absolutely ridiculous, but I have managed to create a wave of cool air that has kept me and the kids cool...Someone had mentioned on their facebook status that just four months ago people were complaining about the cold weather wanting the heat to come and now that it is here, we complain about it being too hot and now wanting it to be cooler. Well let me be the first to say, I've never been an advocate of HEAT, even when I went to Ghana the heat is different there than here in the states. The humidity alone makes things unbearable, but I've always been a fan of cooler temperatures. Fall being my favorite season (one because all I can think about is rainy chill days, wrapped up in my scarves, can't wait to rush home and get under a blanket and cuddle!) It's the lover in me that romanticizes the seasons but anyways yeah I'm in desperate need for it to cool off for the sake of my breathing! I give it a month and once school starts back up, things will calm down.

I've been in a real lazy mood lately so I've been slacking on keeping up with the blog, let alone with my house. You talk about just bein pure exhausted by the sight of looking at what all needs to be cleaned up, well that's me. I've written a plan room by room how I would tackle things and yet and still I can't motivate myself to do a thing. The reality is as long as things aren't to the point of causing health issues then I'm okay...and in all honesty they are minor things, ie. laundry (I ABSOLUTELY HATE FOLDING CLOTHES!) and straightening up so that clothes and toys are no longer on the floor. Check back with me in three days and hope that my NRG levels are much higher and I've been more productive than as of late. I still keep a smile on my face.



Well the last thing I wanted to share with you all is Friday my "Poetic Fireballs" (the other group is the "Poetic Rockstars")blew me away in class. I had them write about what their lives would look like written from beginning to end, and I was amazed by what my kids wrote. When I tell you that girls and guys were in there wiping eyes, and asking for tissues I mean it. As I expressed before I began teaching I realized going into this that before my students could actually begin to write on the theme "SOuLiARt", they first had to release some things personal that they had bottled up inside and the only way to get them to express themselves in that manner was to establish a relationship with them where they felt comfortable enough with me and comfortable with the privacy of their journals...and within a four week period I've been able to establish both. So bravo class, you all make me very proud and you each inspire me to keep pressing on in my own writing. Now let's finish strong with these next two weeks to produce some poetry for the Tarta Buses :)

words of inspiration: Do what you love, and love what you do....for when you have both that is when you realize your purpose (that girl good!lmbo)

love u 2 life,

Miz Naki *smile*

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Just Be Part 3


DISCLAIMER: One word that I despise when people tell me to do this is "RELAX", especially people who exploit my sensitivity, lol and always deem everything I do as EMOTIONAL. So tonight I'm on this "I LOVE MYSELF TO LIFE" kick and it's simply this, the very things about my personality and or my emotions that often times annoy or drive people away, are the very things I have come to learn, appreciate, and embrace about myself. Immadome....I empathize with people well and for business purposes, yeah in the words of Dilla, I'm "Working on it!", the part that deals with balancing both the emotional aspect of my human nature and not letting that keep me from thinking logical...but for the most part, I don't think I'm that bad of catch...If I dare pull out a locked text from my past that reads "you official, I just needed say that!)...it was a simple compliment that I hold dear to my heart as a reminder that my imperfections, flaws, and great traits make me the woman who I am today....ALL OF ME. and on that note...

I was going over some old poems from my facebook page, and I stumbled acrossed a series of poems that are entitled "Just Be" and so I want to include the most recent Just Be Part 2...i simply love it becuase it holds so much truth, but most importantly I feel a little brewing within to attempt what has seemed impossible as of late, and that's write poetry, so here is the old poem...N'JOY!

Just Be Part 2~

he dodged my question
like Neo did bullets,
in the Matrix and
bended left with his
response, “Just Be”.
I smirked by his sheer
cool pose, sweat
running down brow
because pressure
rose through my words.
all I ever desired was
honesty. even by
omission it is still
a lie. so in the height
of our discussion
my heart pulled back
and I smiled with a
simple response,” bet”.


and on that note, i'm off to watch "Notorious" (and yes for the first time, stay off me!)

enjoy these musical selections from my favorite female emcee/poet/singer L-Boogie...I chose this song for a reason. Just feels befitting of the place where I'm at regarding the idea of love at this point in my life...

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Things Other Than Love....NOT!

I saw this quote on a friends facebook page and I had to re-post this!

‎"A man reserves his true and deepest love not for the species of woman in whose company he finds himself electrified and enkindled, but for that one in whose company he may feel tenderly drowsy."
George Jean Nathan
Love and Oxytocin in tandem

*let it marinate*

onto other news, I stumbled across this article and it was quite intriguing to say the least...I felt like the points being made were very valid, but again I find myself saying, what do people expect, it's f*@%ing America! So do me a favor, let me borrow you your eyes and read this and feel free to comment.

"Imagine if the Tea Party Was Black" - Tim Wise

Let’s play a game, shall we? The name of the game is called “Imagine.” The way it’s played is simple: we’ll envision recent happenings in the news, but then change them up a bit. Instead of envisioning white people as the main actors in the scenes we’ll conjure - the ones who are driving the action - we’ll envision black folks or other people of color instead. The object of the game is to imagine the public reaction to the events or incidents, if the main actors were of color, rather than white. Whoever gains the most insight into the workings of race in America, at the end of the game, wins.

So let’s begin.

Imagine that hundreds of black protesters were to descend upon Washington DC and Northern Virginia, just a few miles from the Capitol and White House, armed with AK-47s, assorted handguns, and ammunition. And imagine that some of these protesters —the black protesters — spoke of the need for political revolution, and possibly even armed conflict in the event that laws they didn’t like were enforced by the government? Would these protesters — these black protesters with guns — be seen as brave defenders of the Second Amendment, or would they be viewed by most whites as a danger to the republic? What if they were Arab-Americans? Because, after all, that’s what happened recently when white gun enthusiasts descended upon the nation’s capital, arms in hand, and verbally announced their readiness to make war on the country’s political leaders if the need arose.

Imagine that white members of Congress, while walking to work, were surrounded by thousands of angry black people, one of whom proceeded to spit on one of those congressmen for not voting the way the black demonstrators desired. Would the protesters be seen as merely patriotic Americans voicing their opinions, or as an angry, potentially violent, and even insurrectionary mob? After all, this is what white Tea Party protesters did recently in Washington.

Imagine that a rap artist were to say, in reference to a white president: “He’s a piece of shit and I told him to suck on my machine gun.” Because that’s what rocker Ted Nugent said recently about President Obama.

Imagine that a prominent mainstream black political commentator had long employed an overt bigot as Executive Director of his organization, and that this bigot regularly participated in black separatist conferences, and once assaulted a white person while calling them by a racial slur. When that prominent black commentator and his sister — who also works for the organization — defended the bigot as a good guy who was misunderstood and “going through a tough time in his life” would anyone accept their excuse-making? Would that commentator still have a place on a mainstream network? Because that’s what happened in the real world, when Pat Buchanan employed as Executive Director of his group, America’s Cause, a blatant racist who did all these things, or at least their white equivalents: attending white separatist conferences and attacking a black woman while calling her the n-word.

Imagine that a black radio host were to suggest that the only way to get promoted in the administration of a white president is by “hating black people,” or that a prominent white person had only endorsed a white presidential candidate as an act of racial bonding, or blamed a white president for a fight on a school bus in which a black kid was jumped by two white kids, or said that he wouldn’t want to kill all conservatives, but rather, would like to leave just enough—“living fossils” as he called them—“so we will never forget what these people stood for.” After all, these are things that Rush Limbaugh has said, about Barack Obama’s administration, Colin Powell’s endorsement of Barack Obama, a fight on a school bus in Belleville, Illinois in which two black kids beat up a white kid, and about liberals, generally.

Imagine that a black pastor, formerly a member of the U.S. military, were to declare, as part of his opposition to a white president’s policies, that he was ready to “suit up, get my gun, go to Washington, and do what they trained me to do.” This is, after all, what Pastor Stan Craig said recently at a Tea Party rally in Greenville, South Carolina.

Imagine a black radio talk show host gleefully predicting a revolution by people of color if the government continues to be dominated by the rich white men who have been “destroying” the country, or if said radio personality were to call Christians or Jews non-humans, or say that when it came to conservatives, the best solution would be to “hang ‘em high.” And what would happen to any congressional representative who praised that commentator for “speaking common sense” and likened his hate talk to “American values?” After all, those are among the things said by radio host and best-selling author Michael Savage, predicting white revolution in the face of multiculturalism, or said by Savage about Muslims and liberals, respectively. And it was Congressman Culbertson, from Texas, who praised Savage in that way, despite his hateful rhetoric.

Imagine a black political commentator suggesting that the only thing the guy who flew his plane into the Austin, Texas IRS building did wrong was not blowing up Fox News instead. This is, after all, what Anne Coulter said about Tim McVeigh, when she noted that his only mistake was not blowing up the New York Times.

Imagine that a popular black liberal website posted comments about the daughter of a white president, calling her “typical redneck trash,” or a “whore” whose mother entertains her by “making monkey sounds.” After all that’s comparable to what conservatives posted about Malia Obama on freerepublic.com last year, when they referred to her as “ghetto trash.”

Imagine that black protesters at a large political rally were walking around with signs calling for the lynching of their congressional enemies. Because that’s what white conservatives did last year, in reference to Democratic party leaders in Congress.

In other words, imagine that even one-third of the anger and vitriol currently being hurled at President Obama, by folks who are almost exclusively white, were being aimed, instead, at a white president, by people of color. How many whites viewing the anger, the hatred, the contempt for that white president would then wax eloquent about free speech, and the glories of democracy? And how many would be calling for further crackdowns on thuggish behavior, and investigations into the radical agendas of those same people of color?

To ask any of these questions is to answer them. Protest is only seen as fundamentally American when those who have long had the luxury of seeing themselves as prototypically American engage in it. When the dangerous and dark “other” does so, however, it isn’t viewed as normal or natural, let alone patriotic. Which is why Rush Limbaugh could say, this past week, that the Tea Parties are the first time since the Civil War that ordinary, common Americans stood up for their rights: a statement that erases the normalcy and “American-ness” of blacks in the civil rights struggle, not to mention women in the fight for suffrage and equality, working people in the fight for better working conditions, and LGBT folks as they struggle to be treated as full and equal human beings.

And this, my friends, is what white privilege is all about. The ability to threaten others, to engage in violent and incendiary rhetoric without consequence, to be viewed as patriotic and normal no matter what you do, and never to be feared and despised as people of color would be, if they tried to get away with half the shit we do, on a daily basis.

Game Over.

Tim Wise is among the most prominent anti-racist writers and activists in the U.S. Wise has spoken in 48 states, on over 400 college campuses, and to community groups around the nation. Wise has provided anti-racism training to teachers nationwide, and has trained physicians and medical industry professionals on how to combat racial inequities in health care. His latest book is called Between Barack and a Hard Place.


and on that note, off to finish cooking tacos and watching my movies #lifeisgrand


SN:today I particularly missed him. but there is nothing like feeling like the odd ball out with your feelings or emotions. I put my NRG and attention else where and focused on "what is" and "not what ain't, (and yes and English major, said AIN'T *sue me*)...

off chilax!

Monday, July 19, 2010

PURE Randomness *smile*


So I remember the first night, I heard this song! It was about a month ago at my friend Rich's house. Ever since I've been hooked, but what brought so much meaning to the song was at my dad's 60th birthday celebration, he requested this song as the father/daughter dance with my sister's Hannah, Pamela, and myself (I'm the baby!). We had a blast dancing to this song. For a second during the dance I reverted back to my early childhood days when my father would take me to ghanian parties and he told me that I would get up and dance for his friends and they would give me money because of my energy and groovy dance moves at the mere age of 2! My mother used to always tell me that my Aunt Ada marked me when I was in the womb because I've always had a love and passion for dance (unfortunately my parents never cultivated that gift in me, lol, but I'm not mad). I still love to dance, and anyone who knows me, knows that I typically end up as the life of the party with my partner in crime/dance Brit Brit...Clearly this has turned into a tangent on dance, but I've gotten that off my chest, so enjoy the song.

SN: Babies are off in Cleveland enjoying their grandparents on their dad's side of the family, and I will truly say that I miss my kids. I've seen them for all of five days in the past month and they have truly been traveling. What I would give to be a kid again! But the latest happenings with them are, Akia is infatuated with Justin Bieber and E.J. now thinks he is Iron man and Spider man wrapped up in one. It's the cutest thing to see him jump off the couch and motion his hands as though he is launching the web from his wrists. Anyways Saturday night was a memorable moment for me, because after convincing them that they had to take baths in order to get popcorn before bed, they washed up and lotioned and did their usual routine after the bath(run around the house naked, lol) they climbed up on my bed, Akia at the foot of the bed and E.J. right next to me, and laid under the direction of the air blowing from the fan and passed out!.....I enjoyed the stillness of the air, and the peace of resting in my own bed (queen pillowtop!)in the comfort of my home with my children. It was rejuvenating for my soul and we all slept good. On that note, I look forward to their safe return Wednesday.

I intend to dedicate the next blog to my teaching experience thus far at YAAW (Youth Arts At Work). The program is in it's fourth week and I must say these kids amaze me every day. I've set something up with one of my students to actually do a written collab piece and perform it at the next "Village Voice Poetry Night" that is held every second Thursday at The Ground Level Coffee Shop (this place is like a drug for me).

Lastly before I go watch this movie, I want to close with a free write. I battled all day whether to write a "dear you" letter, and I know that I have to sort through my feelings before I can get this poem birthed out of me pertaining to this individual, but after I had a conversation this evening with one of my main mentors, Mr. Bush(I have so many, but for furture references I will mention them as JJ, Mr. Bush, Chera, Goddad, Span...those are the main ones presently) and he told me that he could see the hurt and loss all over me (he reads me well every time we get together to catch up. Anyways...after our conversation I felt compelled to write about the things I missed. I wanted to be candid about where I stand and how I desire things to be....so here I go putting things out there in the atmosphere hoping that my words are recieved.

free write/verbal vomit, and GO!

this song is for YOU...

I miss you. sounds simple. honest, pure and directly to the point. I asked myself for days how could I miss someone that was within arms reach, or who I could speak with face to face. How could I miss someone that I woke up to or went to sleep with right next to at times. And the answer came to me today...and it too is simple. It's deeper than you. It's not you necessarily that I miss, but our closeness. It's the spontaneous gestures, conversations, games of scrabble (and yes I"m indirectly mentioning you because no longer am I confident expressing my feelings for you)....the list could and does go on, but I needed you to know that before I go to bed, there are still things left unsaid. Maybe you've let go, pulled back, shut down, come to your senses about the reality of the situation, but truth is...nothing at this moment makes sense to me...and the only thing that does make sense is that my longing for the intimate conversation and vulnerable moments we once shared meant the world to me, because I could be myself with you without fear of judgment. I've said it before 7 days of secrets can change the nature of a friendship. experience and people's past can lead to self sabotage which I'm guilty of...because the moment insecurities crept up in my heart about you...I made choices that I now regret. If you read this....just know that my fondest memory of you to date has to be the day we we're standing outside the GL and it was raining...you had on this black shirt/ and your special jeans (monopoly...) with your glasses...and you reached to give me a hug and told me to come near...and as I did, you said without hesitation "Your shoulder.....", well for the sake of keeping it PG rated, lmbo....it wasn't about what you said but the moment of not caring who was around to see how much we enjoyed each others presence, laughter, and silliness...timing is everything and on that note....it's time for me to retire my mush mush talk.

....imperfections,flaws,temperment,strength,passion,humor,cadence,smile,laughter,sarcasm,education,hustle,drive....make you worth it.

and on that note, i'm going to tatoo Patience all over my heart. Let it go, walk away..."RELAX,TAKE A CHILL PILL, AND OVERDOSE"..

Peace homeslices!

Friday, July 16, 2010

Laughter Is Good 4 The Soul... *smile*



(disclaimer, this note was started at 11 pm ish....right before I was headed out to El Camino, with my homegirl Lish, and it is being completed now Saturday mornning...so these events are from Friday's happenings!)

So today was a very productive day! My class with the "Poetic Rockstars" went very well. I taught the kids today about the history of the Haiku, which is very interesting (wikipedia comes in handy if your interested in learning). One of my students actually wrote one of her haiku's in Japanese, can we say "DOPENESS". I was very impressed with their efforts because structurally speaking, haiku's are not easy to write. After that I was able to get my carpet cleaned in the house, so move back in day starts tomorrow! (The other day I went to the house just to lay on my bed in the middle of the day, and I was knocked out, drooling and all. Can't nothing top my pillowtop). But I'm super geeked to move back in. After that I spent the evening with the little ones and decided to treat them to the movies for family bonding time. We went to go see "Despicable Me" and I would like to say at first when the movie was in its first half hour, that I was not for certain how I felt about the movie's unruliness but as the storyline progressed I can personally say that this movie was A*M*A*Z*I*N*G!...I was tickled pink and really enjoyed the humor in the film...I think more so than my kids. So I concluded that I really needed that time with them, even though they showed their behinds prior to the movie starting. My children having been away for almost three weeks on vacation with grandpa has put them in fantasyland where they truly think they are entitled to getting everything their eyes set on, and it's not going to happen with me. I of course am the bad guy/meanie poo poo face for saying this lovely word "NO"! and that is okay. None the less Akia was able to get past her stinky attitude and actually laughed so that made my heart smile. I wanted them to enjoy it. I wanted them to know that mommy had to make moves in order for us to even go and that I love them unconditionally. I missed my babies while they were gone. *tear*....I will save the #itshardbeingaparentrant for a later date but on to music....

I would be remissed if I did not mention that the soundtrack to "Despicable Me" is the hotest thing I've heard lately...Me and Lish were sitting there bobbing our heads, snapping our fingers as if we were in the club about to get it in on the dance floor. Maybe I'm exaggerating a bit, lol, but it was actually quite entertaining to be so intrigued by the music score of the movie, which I learned was created and done by Pharrell Williams. My favorite track being the title track "Despicable Me" which you can check out on this link right Cheeerah (translated=HERE, lmbo!

http://theplaylist.blogspot.com/2010/06/despicable-me-soundtrack-features-lots.html

but on that note, I'm off to pick up the children from their dad's. We have a birthday party to attend, a graduations party to stop at, and then the grocery store....and later relaxing! Life is grand. Even through the up's and down's...Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

wisdom of the day (I'm blog jacking this from an amazing beautiful soul whose blog I've come to frequent and support: http://mirror2face.blogspot.com/ check it out!)

but this is what she said: "...I don't think I'm better than anyone else or more deserving of one thing over another. I also don't assume I know what's best for me (because although we LOVE to think that we do know what's best for ourselves, more often than not, we'll discover that what we want is entirely different from what we need."

Let it marinate!

Thursday, July 15, 2010

*J Dilla Changed My Life*



Good morning my lovely fantabulous people :)....I hope you slept well. My morning has been interesting to say the least. Nothing bad, nothing great, just interesting. Well for the past few weeks I've been taking some time to reflect on some important decisions that will have to be made as far as my involvment in certain business ventures as well as re-prioritizing my schedule so that 1.) I don't find myself in a similar place of taking on too much at once 2.) I learn how to define for myself the things and or organizations that I want to be involved with and how I determine what I desire to contribute. With that being said, I have yet to make any clear cut decisions but a member of an organization I'm apart of text me last night out the blue checking in on me to see how I was doing. I appreciated the gester and carried on with what I was doing at that present moment. Not shortly after the first text, another came through pretty much stating that they didn't want me and two other new members who have recently become apart of the movement to leave because they really enjoy the energy we bring to the team. Now without going into much back story, my sarcasism creeped up and I responded back with, "U must feel my heart bc truth be told I'm one foot out the door....". *i hold no bars* The response they gave was reassurance I thought that there was a hint of seriousness to my statement but also something that which was not definite. Anyways fast forward to this morning, I got a 6:37 (2 be exact) text from a different member, stating "I heard you have pulled out of ....(The group will go un-named)"...and all I thought to myself is this is the ish that I be talking about. My present gripe with the group/company is simple lack of organization and people running their mouths too much that does not involve business. What I have learned is this:....that messiness is contagious and at the present moment after incident after incident, I've realized that I'm not happy with how things have been handled. So yes I battle fears of people not speaking to me, holding grudges simply because I like everyone and I try to make the best out of the situation, but musically speaking, I've seen the worst. So with this text being recieved in the a.m., I could only imagine who else got this news. Now I'm left having to explain as well as establish a clear understanding of why I am ready to resign. The issue is not talking to these individuals, just knowing the right time and place to do it, and know this much...there will be more to this story.



On to some more good news...I got a chance to speak to my soul sister Kindra last night.... :)She is getting married August 7, 2010, and I'm really excited to have been invited to be apart of her joyous day, considering Kindra and I have only seen each other twice, and we connnected about two months ago randomly...but it was truly devine. God has been and still continues to connect the dots. With that being said Kindra is the VP of The J Dilla Foundation based out of Detroit, Michigan. I had been discussing ideas with my sis Iveriani (The Illest Publicist)that I would love to contribute towards the foundation in some way, so she told me to reach out to Kindra and just see what says. So we spoke last night and I pithced her the idea about me writing a blog for the foundation to keep the fans, supporters, business, musicians, and artist abreast on the latest happenings with the foundation. The great part about it is that Kindra currently was the one doing it, and she is beyond busy with a plate load of responsibilities...so not only was she excited and all for it, but it gives me the OPPORTUNITY to give back and contribute towards a good cause to a man who truly changed my life. So I have a few weeks to brainstorm some ideas....so considered it DONE. I asked to do this because I love to write. I love Dilla. and the discipline of maintaining a blog, will definitely help me be more consistent on my own personal blog as well as give me the experience of doing something that I've never done...and guess what I love the most is the fact that it's volunteer work. NO pressue just passion....

on that note, I think I'm starting to get a sense of direction.

......I'll be back later!

Ta Ta for now.

"Kissing you is like a game, let's play, holding you is like a dream, let's play" -Dwele track 15 is in heavy rotation.

*smile*

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Things Fall Apart


mood:numb
song:"nicest things" Kate Nash

It was a year ago...this past June, that I sat in the car with one of my best friends Tyiesha talking about love, relationships, growth, life....and I remember her saying to me that one of the things that she admired most about me was that, I had the ability to love EVERYONE, and EVERYTHING....without condition. She told me, "Naki, you could take the meanest person in the world and still find something about them to love". She looked at me and she told me to never change that. To never stop loving people or myself because there are very few people who do just that anymore. Her conversation that moment was familiar to many that I have had since and even prior to that moment, but what I have come to realize is that people are outright mean now a days. They are worn, broken and simply cold. But mostly including myself hide behind philosophies and false accolades, convincing ourselves that we are strong and triumphant, when in reality we have so much going on internally that pours out in the way we relate to others, the way we communicate to our family, peers, friends, lovers, children, even ourselves. I’m guilty (but the first step to recovery is admitting this truth)
I told myself today that I would take my time with this blog, that I wouldn't rush it. That for myself I wouldn’t hide behind nice words but confront the real issues that have been tugging at my heart lately. If my blog seems dark, then don’t read it. If it ain’t chipper or comical today then simply click the “x” button at the far right corner, because today I’m purposefully not holding back any bars. So I’m guilty of being that individual who tends to point the finger at others when I spot issues within themselves that they don’t acknowledge or care to look further into, and I’ve heard the saying that people who do that should stop and really take a close look in the mirror. So here lately I have done just that. Stood before a mirror, pulled my locks up in a pony tail or let them hang loose and looked at what I saw. And when I look, I honestly don’t like what I see half the time. I see a confused, hurt, lost woman who is trying to piece the puzzle together. And that’s me. I see someone who is tired, emotionally and physically, angry, frustrated, and ready to throw in the towel. Yep, that’s me. I see a woman, who has no idea of what that really means to be a woman. Who gives so much of herself, and never takes or makes the time just for herself alone. I see someone afraid of failing. Who feels as though thus far in life she has simply failed? Yep that’s me. I question what is truly real anymore and I have grown numb to life. Going through the motions and I’ve concluded that in order to get through the remaining of this day and to embrace tomorrow’s unknown that I have to be honest about what I’m feeling.
I simply don’t trust people. I think people’s word now a day is simply people blowing hot air. The people I call friend, the very people I love, I often question their intentions and if they truly are my friends or care about my well being, safety, heart, me period. As of late, I’ve had so many people question my mood or energy and for them I have no answer other than I’m tired. I’m in a place of hurt and instead of hiding that shit, I’m okay with walking around half ready to bust in tears because shit to me is fucked up….I’m okay with not having a solution to my problems. I’m okay with being irritated by ignorant conversations about race, skin color, light skinned vs. dark skinned, woman and men simply missing the bar with each other. I’m okay being frustrated by my lack of understanding how easy people maneuver through feelings and emotions as though this shit is a game. I’m baffled that people hide and resort to text versus actually talking face to face. I’m hopeless in this world right now, and for once I’m okay with where I’m at. What I’m not okay with is how easy it is for others to mock me, my feelings, my heart and the things that wear at my spirit as though I’m this alien in thought or perception and I should submit to their knowledge and understanding. What happened to excepting people for who they are?....Clearly there are differences but In essence….what I’ve been told is to be like them….so I’ve concluded that this road I’m on is a lonely one, and I’m done caring or trying to make people see things from my perspective. I’m done putting energy into people, friendships that are conducive to my growth. Life itself….it’s exhausting. And so I keep hope alive that my heart survives this place I’m at and that I can find something worth pressing forward for, but my only fear is that the two people who need me most, won’t get what they need because I’ve given all I got….and I’m tapped with life.
So inclosing I will give a brief update:
Still looking for a J.O.B.
My house was a part of a house fire that started next door, and I’m thanking God that no one was home at either house at the time….it has been a humbling experience, living with friends, being away from kids, and still holding a smile on my face through all the ups and downs. Hopefully by end of this week I can move back in. But what I have learned is to have a greater appreciation for home as a sanctuary and a place of refuge.
My love life is non-existent…reminds me of the book/movie “He’s Just Not that Into You” and with that being said as hard as it is to love someone and then have them not love you back sucks. I’m stuck in a place of being in both….and it hurts because none of it makes sense. All I know is, I’m DONE…….
Grad School is killing me right now! I keep telling myself I have one year left….but mentally I’m not there so the discipline must begin now.

I will close with, “Writer’s block, sucks ass!”…..and this blog doesn’t count as anything worth deeming it creative. Just glad to get that off my chest. Hopefully the next time I blog, I’ll have something more uplifting and positive to speak on.

p.s. My sis in New York, told me to give him a year, and then tell him…..the truth is….he knows that I love him. But love sometimes is NEVER enough…..(and she bows out gracefully)

Mizz Naki
*peace and poetry*

Monday, July 5, 2010

Seizing the Day!

I'm back from my mini-vacation to Columbus. Today is considered a holiday for many, but for myself it's a day to relax and chill. I came back to Toledo minus the children (they wanted to stay with grandpa!) but I will head back down there Friday for the Maxwell Concert. I'm so excited....but in the meantime, I want to get some business things squared away here in Toledo. So before I leave....I will definitely be on later to blog about my dad's 60th birthday party celebration, my kids and how hilarious they truly are, and just put some thoughts out there in the atmosphere. Other than my back giving me some pain, Life is grand....inspite of all the circumstances surrounding life, I still have much to thank God, so on that note, I'm about to go get dressed for Maumee Bay Beach and celebrate life...I'm going to shine through all the trouble and know that the best has yet to come. Check me out on Band camp. Peace and Poetry, until next time!

<a href="http://mizznaki.bandcamp.com/album/penstrokes">Penstrokes by Mizz Naki</a>

Thursday, July 1, 2010

No More Excuses


my skin is as smooth as a baby's bottom
chocolate like the icecream that stands out
like neopolitan, my hair locked stronger
than a twine of rope, and my eyes they
are jet black drowning in a pool of white.
my heart is more fluid than it is solid,
beating beyond brokeness, building beyond
barriers or brothers that tell me all of me
is not good enough.

tonight i will run bath water and bless
it with lavender bath salts, close my eyes
and swim in the Nile River. i will float
amongst the heavens and invoke the powers
within my Goddess being to love my soul
to life. i will write upon the pillars
of my feet to keep marching past the pinch
of pain the pierces through my hands. nothing
will stop the warrior writer within. i will
fly higher than you believe i can. i will
only listen to the still voice of Yahweh
who sees me past my flaws and all. i will
sprinkle laughter into the atmosphere
because truth is your heart is so cold
your lips no longer comprehend *SMILE*

with that i choose to celebrate me.
re-birth my vision daily with the cycle
of the moon and the sun. i get to try this
all over again. i get to let you in by choice,
or carry on without you. i can acknowledge when
i need you most, and i can humbly bow my head
and leave when i know my stay is up.
this poem is more for myself than it is you
friend or enemy, lover or loveless, King or fool....
this poem is for every girl evolving into a woman
to stand up and refute excuses...deadly words
that break her spirit. this poem is healing.
this poem is song composed just for you.

rise up and LIVE.

ps. a......f........i (acquaintance to friendship to intimacy).....try it with self first...you'll be amazed at what you may find.

"the best way to love a man, is to love yourself first"-Momma Renee (i know i've blogged this quote before but reiteration is good for the soul)