The Silence

So, today has been a fairly productive day. I spent maybe about 4 hours in the studio recording and laying tracks for my upcoming album and it was very relaxing. For the past few days/weeks I have been feeling a bit down in regards to my current situation. My transition to Columbus has been a learning experience but I know that no joy comes without suffering. The hard decisions that I have recently had to make in the past few months have really brought me to a place of reflection and just sort of having to really re-assess my goals, aspirations, plans for the next few years. I'm sure that at some point everyone in their own individual paths comes across these crossroads but for me it was a bit scary. The uncertainty of what's next lingering over my head with the pressure of my parents and family not wanting me to fail, started to weigh heavy on my heart. Like really, who wants to disappoint their parents? "Not I!", and for those friends who have stuck with me over the years know that when things seem to be unraveling for Naki, it feels like all hope is lost. With this speed bump, I had the chance to slow down. Figure myself out and my own individual intentions for life. Over the course of the past six weeks, life seems a bit lighter, but I know that self-work is an ongoing task. So enough rambling, onto the meaning behind the title of this blog "The Silence". In recent weeks I have endured a few situations with a friend who has (how can I put this kindly) resolved to using "silence" as a means to "punish me" or the lack thereof. And before I go on, I have to say that I refuse to admit that I am assuming about the "punish me" because any other scenario/case has been deemed null and void in my eyes. It's 2011 and the means to communicate with an individual is very vast. So it all stems from a disagreement that apparently I was uncertain was even had. I pride myself on being a bit seasoned and over the past few years I have really dealt with my inability to communicate effectively. My past behavior would resemble a lot like my 3 yr old which would consist of pure shutdown mode and blank eye stare. I'm not a confrontational type person so any sign of conflict I just turned in my shell. Well my friend, dear friend obviously was offended by insensitivity. I was accused of not wanting to spend time with them and without any real explanation we parted ways with little words and that was that. I felt like the appropriate thing to do was explain myself so I resorted to my only means to reach them *sigh* (communication on their part was limited already due certain circumstances) so I emailed, because a.) i'm a writer and b.) i really didn't have a choice in the matter. I felt much better expressing myself that way and knowing that they would read it, I expected that whatever discord that might have taken place could have been remedied. WRONG!.....so Sunday passes, no word...Monday passes, and no word. It wasn't until Monday evening when I reached them at work when they stated they had text me Monday morning letting me know that (and I quote) "I'm good". Now because my tolerance level is so short at the moment, I thought to myself what the f***k does that mean? Not only did I not have the energy to pretend I could read minds, I did not have the energy to decipher slang or codes. I was more put of by the fact that they even thought it was okay to text that considering I reached out Saturday. two days later, I get a vague a** response. COME ON! So with a brief correspondence back and forth I came to the conclusion that I was not going to allow someone to blatantly feed me bullsh*t! NOT I...nope, can't do it, won't do it. I think what bothers me the most is that yet and still it is still so taboo for people to be REAL, like seriously if something bothers you, why suppress it! Obviously my friend was upset and I never once refuted that maybe in my nonchalantness and nausea that I just wasn't being considerate of them, BUT and I mean BUT...that does not call for "The Silent" treatment. That irks me to no end and I just don't get what it solves. So with that being said, I once heard a quote that reads, "Sometimes silence is the loudest noise". It can't get more true than that. I feel like more has been said in the past few days than in our entire friendship. Maybe I'm making a big deal and over exaggerating but the truth is it hurts, I won't lie. So I will pat my eyes dry tonight and just remind myself this is not a new sting that I've never felt before. LESSON LEARNED: ....*cricket, cricket* still trying to figure out the lesson in full. SO enough with embarrassing myself on my blog...yeah for vulnerability and bearing all. At least I was able to be productive and use my energy to be creativity (hi-fiving self!!!)

In the meantime be blessed and I'll be back (in my Arnold voice)

peace and poetry,

Naki

The Fear of Writing

It's late and I should be sleep, but actually around this time of night is when I feel the most productive. So I convinced myself that I should post on my blog tonight. My hope is that while pouring my heart out here that something takes place from within and transform all the mystery in my life currently and brings it to the light so that I can make some sense of it. So my question to all you writers/artist out there...Have you ever been afraid of your gift/talent? Fearful in the sense where you know it is probably the most therapeutic and sane thing you could probably engage in yet you find yourself distracted 99.9% of the time and avoiding that very thing that heals you for whatever reason. Please tell me I'm not alone? I was texting a friend of mine earlier this evening and I had shared with him that I struggle with the discipline of writing everyday. Majority of the time, especially as of late, there has not been anything keeping me from sitting down and putting pen to paper or finger to keys and just purging myself. Often times it's the thought process before hand that just consumes me and becomes way to much to deal with. This is the moment when I miss being 16. When life was a lot less overwhelming and I was much more brave. There was nothing that compared to my coming home after track practice, turning on the television and sitting down on the floor in front of the couch with my blanket and pillow and a notebook and writing about my day. Maybe my life is just that boring? Whatever the case is I have found myself in a serious drought. With deadlines quickly approaching for my thesis (which is a book of poetry, prose, and verbal rants) I feel like the pressure is too much. I found myself sitting in church Sunday actually contemplating walking away from the whole poetry scene. Retiring my pen and just well swallowing my pride and committing my life to something real tangible, like a 9-5 job...(read two post ago about my liberation of quitting my then job at Verizon Wireless). None the less I have found myself to be at a mid life crisis. Where nothing is concrete or certain. My life no longer feels stable and I have no real clear direction to turn. A lot of creative ideas, a passion for words, writing, and a fear of failing while going for what genuinely makes me happy and feels like I'm actually contributing to this world. My prayer is that this writing thing is not in vain...let the healing begin. (I'm off to bed)

Peace and poetry...

"Face of Africa Artist Series" presents M.anifest w/ I.B.E. in concert

Yours truly, has been diligently working to bring something new and refreshing to the Midwest. On September 18, 2011 I will be putting on an event called "Face of Africa Artist Series" which will be kicking off with a bang! The Ghanaian hip-hop artist, M.anifest will be bringing us his latest album, "Coming to America" that is set to release September 20, 2011. His first single off the album "Suffer" is profound and lyrically soaked with images and experiences straight from the motherland. The purpose of this event is to highlight and showcase artist of African decent who have the passion to be different and go against the grain. There is much rich culture and artistry that stems from Africa and yet even throughout the diaspora that still goes unseen, unacknowledged and unappreciated. It is my goal to awaken people and bring awareness of the beautiful gifts and many talents through the arts. So get ready for a night of music, dancing, partying (you know how we Ghanaians do!) Chale, go purchase your tickets now, $10.00 at this link: http://faceofafricaartistseries.eventbrite.com
Other special guest performances will be by myself and Elevated Thinkin.



check out his website: www.manifestmc.com

This event is sponsored by:

Larimar Ent.
The Perfect Image PR
Ghanamusic.com

Resignation

So long story short, I resigned from my job yesterday. It was an accumulation of various things all jumbled together that led to my decision but at the end of the day, when I walked out of the building, I got that sense of peace and freedom. I was reminded of what happened two years ago and reflected on how much I have accomplished over the past two years. I tell you folks seriously, I'M NOT EQUIPPED TO SETTLE...and no longer will I do that and I don't care how much the job is good and the benefits are great. You can hate my mentality but I strongly believe that THE CREATOR who blessed and gifted me with my talents intended for me to operate in them and that is what I intend to do. So as I begin this new journey, pursuing my passion, evolving my writing, and figuring out this thing called "LIVING"...I ask that you come along for the ride. Here is the first poem tracking my experience and my most recent intimate thoughts. Vulnerability is a virtue...at least to me. I'm not ashamed of who EYE am.

8/17/11

Yesterday I gracefully bowed out
I politely resigned from slavery
I gathered the pictures of Akia's doll baby eyes
And Ej's sparkling smile and
Rushed towards the door
Thirsting for air, breeze cool
Calm and collective
I gathered my tears in the palm of my hands
Anointed my forehead with prayer
And compassion
Reinvented the possibility
of cultivating creativity
and gently reminded myself that
The first step to dreaming
Is to deny denial
acknowledge the power from within
and LIVE
Mediocrity is sin

How To Build The American Dream

This weekend I will get the opportunity to stand before thousands of people who are passionate about human rights, and truly ensuring that the voice of the people will be heard here in the state of Ohio. The organization "Stand Up For Ohio" will be hosting a statewide festival in Columbus, Oh and amongst the line of some amazing talent will be the beautiful poet, Nikki Giovanni. I had the opportunity to hear her speak once back in my sophomore year at The University of Toledo where I studied English and it was such a treat so many years ago. Now to be able to share the same stage and platform speaks to my growth and I'm humbled...A good friend of mine told me a saying once that reads, "Dreams don't come true, they simply are true..." And I have never forgotten those words for they inspire me to believe beyond my circumstance. With much of the frustration and fear that is floating around, People truly have stopped dreaming and have lost sight of the simplicity of life. My nerves have of course set in but I would like to share a poem that I just wrote for Saturday's event. Half the time, I feel like my words blend together and don't make any sense...but I would be re-missed if I did not share. So please take a few minutes and enjoy "How To Build The American Dream"...now if only I can memorize this by Saturday :)...Peace and poetry


I suppose God created hands to hold objects, to feel with fingertips, to write powerful poems to heal
And I suppose that God created eyes to stare into souls, eyes that allow us to be transparent, a human mirror, and I suppose God created lips to love language, courageous tongues to pass down history and to speak our futures into existence. I suppose that God created our feet as guidance to guide us when we will feel lost, to remain simple and to put one foot in front of the other, one step at a time moving forward.

How to build The American Dream-

In my own personal
Bubble of reality
I find this much to be true

Dreams don’t come true
They simply are true
What would happen if we must changed our perception
And choose to Reject the deception that is forced down our
Throats…I refuse to swallow
Or digest disease and stress
Dis ease or regrets

I am here to remind you that your small voice has big POWER
If anything
Don’t be fooled because you have control over YOU

Your presence is a blessing
Look at your neighbor and speak life
Acknowledge the warrior
And your ability to fight
With hands that heal
And a voice to appeal for rights
Proclaim victory
Not victim

Watch our lives take shape and form
Nurture the minds and thoughts
Who no longer see beyond here and now
Tomorrow find something worth smiling about
Be diligent in our efforts to live
And not merely exist

Try harder, and push a little longer
Fly higher, and grow a little stronger
Deviate not to the point of desperation
But mount up on the wings of eagles
In preparation for the harvest…
To reap what you have sowed.

Life is a beautiful struggle
Faint not but…fly.

When is the last time you
Wrote your visions on paper
Or whispered your desires into the breeze
When is the last time you believed in
That which you couldn’t see?

Faith is not religious. It is a practice
A habit of exercising your belief
In something beyond your human
Capabilities.

Think outside the box.
Return to your mother’s womb
And swim in a pool of creativity
Reach for your reality
And don’t settle for an illusion

The dream is beyond this
Sweet bliss, remember your first kiss
Close your eyes and build
Your wish list

No need for candles or cake
Just a will to make do
The intention to go beyond
Mediocrity.

Power rest in the hearts of the people
Wisdom in the people who heal broken hearts
And today may similes and metaphors
Anoint your souls, may this poem

Ignite color and shapes and blueprints
Of your American dream
Today I declare that I am a surgeon
Rightfully equipped to operate

On your despair, I pray to cut deep
To your core, transform you
Behold you are a new thing
A new creature full of love and light
Don’t just dream
Dance on clouds
And double-dutch in the heavens

Innocence of a child
Strength of our youth
Solidarity of our old age

There is strength in numbers…
There is strength in you.
Go forth and build
The foundation of our future.

She's Royal...

Midnight hour burning
she dreams in gold
shiny imprints of oiled
hands that massage her temples
anoint her crown
ignite her fire to heart his soul
no longer slave nor victim
Empress to impress
upon hearts shattered
she heals those who have been
broken
the dimmed light sparks bright
shinning seeping through the cracks
she measures long and sturdy
back full of stitches and scars
she loves through fingertips and bars
nothing keeps her from reaching Heaven
GODis is Goddess
transforming lives through language
she speaks in soft whispers
her tone is as sweet as a baby's laughter
piercing eyes read to the core of a soul
no secrets that she does not see
her intuition priceless
a gift Yahweh deemed as a necessity
her price is not cheap
she is worth far more than rubies
knowledge immeasurable
she waits with patient and pose
lady lover loves life
one spare rib
master peace
mastHER piece
she's royal
eye am...

I'm going to 9ija...The African Poet

Hey peeps...I have been so busy working and planning and working and planning but it's some major things moving my way. I can't release any info at this point but stay tuned and I will be sure to give you an play by play update. If you get a moment check out this website: www.tapng.com....

Let me know what you think!

Stay Tuned