i honestly can't remember the last time i wrote a confessional...or a blog, but i figured in order to sleep...i need to get somethings off my chest. (and i take deep breaths, and exhale as the verbal vomit begins)
who reads this anymore? i'll post it to my twitter and my facebook just for the sake of screaming, "Hey come and read me, i really want the world to know all my baggage"...ha ha.
1. there is a concrete part of my spirit that knows that she still makes you smile. and that is okay.
2. "i've never touched you, i never held you, but when i get to, i will know who you are to me" (I'm secretly still routing for you, V, to have this experience with him....maybe because in reality, I want the same for myself with ELM...
3. I want to eradicate him from my soul...control the fantasy to the point where it becomes a fallacy...delete his presence from my poetry...and bury him with the rest of life's regrets...he's a cancer to my life, crippling my desire to write...all the while he's the source of my dreams and night...such a solemn fight..#deathofmyprototype
4. part of me was jealous hearing about my bf's new relationship, wishing them well and lots of wisdom to sustain the union...#sadlyadmitting
5. my awareness of my gift is petrifying......I'm afraid to speak to people now a days...because it's like they know the truth about who i really am.
6. i just asked wyche to marry me. 99% of me was serious. 1% of me waits for you to get it...that you're the....ONE(percent)
7. i miss my aunt...deeply
8. part of me wants to walk away from school and try again in about three years. #sabbatical
9. Akia knows...her mommy well. i knew there was something different about her, when she was six months. i remembered picking her up from daycare one day and she patted me on the back as if she was the mother and i was her child. Akia's spirit has always been nurturing. She has done things that let me know she is very alert and aware...my minime...in more ways than none.
10. i need a beach bad!
.....part of me wants to include your full government in this part of the post. I feel like my spirit is just screaming out at you to notice what I see...but you can't. you probably never will. you will fight it. you will choose to be closed to your gift/our connection. people have seen it. they ask me about you often, and i often close my eyes and shake my head because in my weakest state you notice me not. you don't acknowledge my heart, my love for you. i am passionate about my fingertips and what it was like to press them against your back. you always layed with your back turned to me because you were so afraid to be open and vulnerable. you knew my soul would save you. you enjoy the comfort of pain. we've all been there. my prayer is that when you find me, it won't be too late. i dream about you eyes open. at night when i'm awake with my eyes closed...eye see you there next to me. breathing slow. I believe in twin flames...you are mine. you will laugh when you read this because you won't understand a single word. you already doubt my intelligence, but i laugh right back because I doubt your ignorance and denial not to feel my heart beating when you even step in the room...it's the loudest noise, the thump in my chest. i heart you. my favorite memory of you that comes to mind is when i was in the isle at Kroger, grocery shopping with Alisha for my b-day party...i thought of you, and you called (that is normal to think of you and then you call or text) and we talked about our plans for the party, and our date that we have yet to go on...[[[books a million and pacific blue]]]....you mentioned strawberries and moscato...how over the summer we would have plenty of barbeques at my house. you would bring the girls and i would have my kids...i don't have the nrg to conjure this up...your words were real. i believe you meant every word. i still hope for you. find me....before it's too late.
i love you to life...EDIELM ...rarely does one come across such a gifted and beautiful soul...that is what i think of you.
#nuffsaid
exposed and open like a window,
memyselfeye...Naki
Shoot, I read your blog!! ::JumpsUpandDownWithArmsMadlyWaving::
ReplyDeleteI absolutely love you! You have such a wonderful and inspiring spirit and I just want to let you know that you've touched my day-to-day more than you'll ever know.
Sometimes you just gotta, as you say, vomit verbally for the sake of your heart, your self, your (pride? <--maybe that's just me as a Leo ha!), and your sanity. And I've found that in doing so, you'll finally be able to breathe a sigh of relief, count your blessings, and see that despite setbacks (which are unfortunately inevitable ::sheesh:: lol), you're nonetheless making strides and moving forward. ^_^.