Confessional Pt. 2

i honestly can't remember the last time i wrote a confessional...or a blog, but i figured in order to sleep...i need to get somethings off my chest. (and i take deep breaths, and exhale as the verbal vomit begins)

who reads this anymore? i'll post it to my twitter and my facebook just for the sake of screaming, "Hey come and read me, i really want the world to know all my baggage"...ha ha.

1. there is a concrete part of my spirit that knows that she still makes you smile. and that is okay.

2. "i've never touched you, i never held you, but when i get to, i will know who you are to me" (I'm secretly still routing for you, V, to have this experience with him....maybe because in reality, I want the same for myself with ELM...

3. I want to eradicate him from my soul...control the fantasy to the point where it becomes a fallacy...delete his presence from my poetry...and bury him with the rest of life's regrets...he's a cancer to my life, crippling my desire to write...all the while he's the source of my dreams and night...such a solemn fight..#deathofmyprototype

4. part of me was jealous hearing about my bf's new relationship, wishing them well and lots of wisdom to sustain the union...#sadlyadmitting

5. my awareness of my gift is petrifying......I'm afraid to speak to people now a days...because it's like they know the truth about who i really am.

6. i just asked wyche to marry me. 99% of me was serious. 1% of me waits for you to get it...that you're the....ONE(percent)

7. i miss my aunt...deeply

8. part of me wants to walk away from school and try again in about three years. #sabbatical

9. Akia knows...her mommy well. i knew there was something different about her, when she was six months. i remembered picking her up from daycare one day and she patted me on the back as if she was the mother and i was her child. Akia's spirit has always been nurturing. She has done things that let me know she is very alert and aware...my minime...in more ways than none.

10. i need a beach bad!

.....part of me wants to include your full government in this part of the post. I feel like my spirit is just screaming out at you to notice what I see...but you can't. you probably never will. you will fight it. you will choose to be closed to your gift/our connection. people have seen it. they ask me about you often, and i often close my eyes and shake my head because in my weakest state you notice me not. you don't acknowledge my heart, my love for you. i am passionate about my fingertips and what it was like to press them against your back. you always layed with your back turned to me because you were so afraid to be open and vulnerable. you knew my soul would save you. you enjoy the comfort of pain. we've all been there. my prayer is that when you find me, it won't be too late. i dream about you eyes open. at night when i'm awake with my eyes closed...eye see you there next to me. breathing slow. I believe in twin flames...you are mine. you will laugh when you read this because you won't understand a single word. you already doubt my intelligence, but i laugh right back because I doubt your ignorance and denial not to feel my heart beating when you even step in the room...it's the loudest noise, the thump in my chest. i heart you. my favorite memory of you that comes to mind is when i was in the isle at Kroger, grocery shopping with Alisha for my b-day party...i thought of you, and you called (that is normal to think of you and then you call or text) and we talked about our plans for the party, and our date that we have yet to go on...[[[books a million and pacific blue]]]....you mentioned strawberries and moscato...how over the summer we would have plenty of barbeques at my house. you would bring the girls and i would have my kids...i don't have the nrg to conjure this up...your words were real. i believe you meant every word. i still hope for you. find me....before it's too late.
i love you to life...EDIELM ...rarely does one come across such a gifted and beautiful soul...that is what i think of you.

#nuffsaid

exposed and open like a window,

memyselfeye...Naki

Delueze Philosophy & Film....and More

Brief preface for all my followers, this video I'm about to upload is response to an assignment for my Delueze Film class. We had to match a set of selected questions with a set of selected answers and then come up with a creative way to demonstrate our selection this is what I chose: Naki Akrobettoe- Module 1 Excursion Question- D. If a major motion picture company wanted to make a movie about you, don’t you think it would be imperative that there would be at least one scene in that film that goes into your past, in order to explain and expand on your character? Answer- 5. “We shall see that the modern forms of narration derive from the compositions and types of the time-image: even ‘readability.’ Narration is never an evident [apparent] given of images, or the effect of a structure which underlies them; it is a consequence of the visible [apparent] images themselves, of the perceptible images in themselves, as they are initially defined for themselves” (C2, 26- 27). Attached you will find a mp3 selection that I had put together. I chose this particular poem to present as the choice to represent "the question/answer" because "Black Is" is my narration for people to gain a better understanding of who I am, and where I come from, and expose some of the things that I love and or passionate about ie. spoken word/poetry. I felt that the words in itself give a bit of background behind who I am, but most importantly in they create mental images, I wanted the viewers to determine their own conclusions about my history and my culture based on what they here in the short audio. How is my hair styled? What might I be wearing based on the content? What images do you see, along with what you here that describe whoe: Naki Camille Akrobettoe is as a poet, artist, woman, etc.

.... UGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! imisshim

I stare at the blank page so enraged
Lost but not yet found ready to be saved
If I had to choose between the red or blue pill
Even if it killed me I would ask you to stay
To my dismay, you strayed
While I prayed just to keep you close
And in the moment you drifted further
Was the very second it hurt the worst
See I was taught that the curse falls upon the wicked
I committed treason when we kicked it
Scrambled eggs spontaneously on a Friday,
I think that's what did it, no expectations
Just the freedom to choose,
Whether to love or loose
And experience the new muse
Had I known loving a poet would bruise
Then I would have set my ship to cruise
In the other direction instead of
Subjecting myself to this connection
That merely meant nothing to you
Than passing the time until the other lover left,
Then I would not be caught feeling like
My gift I was so willing to give was unappreciated by theft
You used me when you deemed it necessary
Read me like a dictionary, entertained the idea
Of exploring my content
Realized you weren't prepared for the complex
Structure of my nature
Concluded you'd rather date her
And blame the demise of our friendship
On the fact that my emotions run endless
I'm open like a window on a 88 degree day
With no breeze, and all the while you
Sleep with ease
My heart has been dis-Eased
And teased by the idea
That you overstood me
But you really know me not,
Now every time I see you
It makes me miss you more,
But my heart is frigid
And torn, worn out by
The constant betrayal of
Not loving myself enough
To know when intentions
Aren't pure, loving me more
Is the best cure
Even when you think of me not
The tranquil time and space
Spent with you can never
Be forgot, this is what loving
You has taught.