The Silence

So, today has been a fairly productive day. I spent maybe about 4 hours in the studio recording and laying tracks for my upcoming album and it was very relaxing. For the past few days/weeks I have been feeling a bit down in regards to my current situation. My transition to Columbus has been a learning experience but I know that no joy comes without suffering. The hard decisions that I have recently had to make in the past few months have really brought me to a place of reflection and just sort of having to really re-assess my goals, aspirations, plans for the next few years. I'm sure that at some point everyone in their own individual paths comes across these crossroads but for me it was a bit scary. The uncertainty of what's next lingering over my head with the pressure of my parents and family not wanting me to fail, started to weigh heavy on my heart. Like really, who wants to disappoint their parents? "Not I!", and for those friends who have stuck with me over the years know that when things seem to be unraveling for Naki, it feels like all hope is lost. With this speed bump, I had the chance to slow down. Figure myself out and my own individual intentions for life. Over the course of the past six weeks, life seems a bit lighter, but I know that self-work is an ongoing task. So enough rambling, onto the meaning behind the title of this blog "The Silence". In recent weeks I have endured a few situations with a friend who has (how can I put this kindly) resolved to using "silence" as a means to "punish me" or the lack thereof. And before I go on, I have to say that I refuse to admit that I am assuming about the "punish me" because any other scenario/case has been deemed null and void in my eyes. It's 2011 and the means to communicate with an individual is very vast. So it all stems from a disagreement that apparently I was uncertain was even had. I pride myself on being a bit seasoned and over the past few years I have really dealt with my inability to communicate effectively. My past behavior would resemble a lot like my 3 yr old which would consist of pure shutdown mode and blank eye stare. I'm not a confrontational type person so any sign of conflict I just turned in my shell. Well my friend, dear friend obviously was offended by insensitivity. I was accused of not wanting to spend time with them and without any real explanation we parted ways with little words and that was that. I felt like the appropriate thing to do was explain myself so I resorted to my only means to reach them *sigh* (communication on their part was limited already due certain circumstances) so I emailed, because a.) i'm a writer and b.) i really didn't have a choice in the matter. I felt much better expressing myself that way and knowing that they would read it, I expected that whatever discord that might have taken place could have been remedied. WRONG!.....so Sunday passes, no word...Monday passes, and no word. It wasn't until Monday evening when I reached them at work when they stated they had text me Monday morning letting me know that (and I quote) "I'm good". Now because my tolerance level is so short at the moment, I thought to myself what the f***k does that mean? Not only did I not have the energy to pretend I could read minds, I did not have the energy to decipher slang or codes. I was more put of by the fact that they even thought it was okay to text that considering I reached out Saturday. two days later, I get a vague a** response. COME ON! So with a brief correspondence back and forth I came to the conclusion that I was not going to allow someone to blatantly feed me bullsh*t! NOT I...nope, can't do it, won't do it. I think what bothers me the most is that yet and still it is still so taboo for people to be REAL, like seriously if something bothers you, why suppress it! Obviously my friend was upset and I never once refuted that maybe in my nonchalantness and nausea that I just wasn't being considerate of them, BUT and I mean BUT...that does not call for "The Silent" treatment. That irks me to no end and I just don't get what it solves. So with that being said, I once heard a quote that reads, "Sometimes silence is the loudest noise". It can't get more true than that. I feel like more has been said in the past few days than in our entire friendship. Maybe I'm making a big deal and over exaggerating but the truth is it hurts, I won't lie. So I will pat my eyes dry tonight and just remind myself this is not a new sting that I've never felt before. LESSON LEARNED: ....*cricket, cricket* still trying to figure out the lesson in full. SO enough with embarrassing myself on my blog...yeah for vulnerability and bearing all. At least I was able to be productive and use my energy to be creativity (hi-fiving self!!!)

In the meantime be blessed and I'll be back (in my Arnold voice)

peace and poetry,

Naki

The Fear of Writing

It's late and I should be sleep, but actually around this time of night is when I feel the most productive. So I convinced myself that I should post on my blog tonight. My hope is that while pouring my heart out here that something takes place from within and transform all the mystery in my life currently and brings it to the light so that I can make some sense of it. So my question to all you writers/artist out there...Have you ever been afraid of your gift/talent? Fearful in the sense where you know it is probably the most therapeutic and sane thing you could probably engage in yet you find yourself distracted 99.9% of the time and avoiding that very thing that heals you for whatever reason. Please tell me I'm not alone? I was texting a friend of mine earlier this evening and I had shared with him that I struggle with the discipline of writing everyday. Majority of the time, especially as of late, there has not been anything keeping me from sitting down and putting pen to paper or finger to keys and just purging myself. Often times it's the thought process before hand that just consumes me and becomes way to much to deal with. This is the moment when I miss being 16. When life was a lot less overwhelming and I was much more brave. There was nothing that compared to my coming home after track practice, turning on the television and sitting down on the floor in front of the couch with my blanket and pillow and a notebook and writing about my day. Maybe my life is just that boring? Whatever the case is I have found myself in a serious drought. With deadlines quickly approaching for my thesis (which is a book of poetry, prose, and verbal rants) I feel like the pressure is too much. I found myself sitting in church Sunday actually contemplating walking away from the whole poetry scene. Retiring my pen and just well swallowing my pride and committing my life to something real tangible, like a 9-5 job...(read two post ago about my liberation of quitting my then job at Verizon Wireless). None the less I have found myself to be at a mid life crisis. Where nothing is concrete or certain. My life no longer feels stable and I have no real clear direction to turn. A lot of creative ideas, a passion for words, writing, and a fear of failing while going for what genuinely makes me happy and feels like I'm actually contributing to this world. My prayer is that this writing thing is not in vain...let the healing begin. (I'm off to bed)

Peace and poetry...

"Face of Africa Artist Series" presents M.anifest w/ I.B.E. in concert

Yours truly, has been diligently working to bring something new and refreshing to the Midwest. On September 18, 2011 I will be putting on an event called "Face of Africa Artist Series" which will be kicking off with a bang! The Ghanaian hip-hop artist, M.anifest will be bringing us his latest album, "Coming to America" that is set to release September 20, 2011. His first single off the album "Suffer" is profound and lyrically soaked with images and experiences straight from the motherland. The purpose of this event is to highlight and showcase artist of African decent who have the passion to be different and go against the grain. There is much rich culture and artistry that stems from Africa and yet even throughout the diaspora that still goes unseen, unacknowledged and unappreciated. It is my goal to awaken people and bring awareness of the beautiful gifts and many talents through the arts. So get ready for a night of music, dancing, partying (you know how we Ghanaians do!) Chale, go purchase your tickets now, $10.00 at this link: http://faceofafricaartistseries.eventbrite.com
Other special guest performances will be by myself and Elevated Thinkin.



check out his website: www.manifestmc.com

This event is sponsored by:

Larimar Ent.
The Perfect Image PR
Ghanamusic.com

Resignation

So long story short, I resigned from my job yesterday. It was an accumulation of various things all jumbled together that led to my decision but at the end of the day, when I walked out of the building, I got that sense of peace and freedom. I was reminded of what happened two years ago and reflected on how much I have accomplished over the past two years. I tell you folks seriously, I'M NOT EQUIPPED TO SETTLE...and no longer will I do that and I don't care how much the job is good and the benefits are great. You can hate my mentality but I strongly believe that THE CREATOR who blessed and gifted me with my talents intended for me to operate in them and that is what I intend to do. So as I begin this new journey, pursuing my passion, evolving my writing, and figuring out this thing called "LIVING"...I ask that you come along for the ride. Here is the first poem tracking my experience and my most recent intimate thoughts. Vulnerability is a virtue...at least to me. I'm not ashamed of who EYE am.

8/17/11

Yesterday I gracefully bowed out
I politely resigned from slavery
I gathered the pictures of Akia's doll baby eyes
And Ej's sparkling smile and
Rushed towards the door
Thirsting for air, breeze cool
Calm and collective
I gathered my tears in the palm of my hands
Anointed my forehead with prayer
And compassion
Reinvented the possibility
of cultivating creativity
and gently reminded myself that
The first step to dreaming
Is to deny denial
acknowledge the power from within
and LIVE
Mediocrity is sin

How To Build The American Dream

This weekend I will get the opportunity to stand before thousands of people who are passionate about human rights, and truly ensuring that the voice of the people will be heard here in the state of Ohio. The organization "Stand Up For Ohio" will be hosting a statewide festival in Columbus, Oh and amongst the line of some amazing talent will be the beautiful poet, Nikki Giovanni. I had the opportunity to hear her speak once back in my sophomore year at The University of Toledo where I studied English and it was such a treat so many years ago. Now to be able to share the same stage and platform speaks to my growth and I'm humbled...A good friend of mine told me a saying once that reads, "Dreams don't come true, they simply are true..." And I have never forgotten those words for they inspire me to believe beyond my circumstance. With much of the frustration and fear that is floating around, People truly have stopped dreaming and have lost sight of the simplicity of life. My nerves have of course set in but I would like to share a poem that I just wrote for Saturday's event. Half the time, I feel like my words blend together and don't make any sense...but I would be re-missed if I did not share. So please take a few minutes and enjoy "How To Build The American Dream"...now if only I can memorize this by Saturday :)...Peace and poetry


I suppose God created hands to hold objects, to feel with fingertips, to write powerful poems to heal
And I suppose that God created eyes to stare into souls, eyes that allow us to be transparent, a human mirror, and I suppose God created lips to love language, courageous tongues to pass down history and to speak our futures into existence. I suppose that God created our feet as guidance to guide us when we will feel lost, to remain simple and to put one foot in front of the other, one step at a time moving forward.

How to build The American Dream-

In my own personal
Bubble of reality
I find this much to be true

Dreams don’t come true
They simply are true
What would happen if we must changed our perception
And choose to Reject the deception that is forced down our
Throats…I refuse to swallow
Or digest disease and stress
Dis ease or regrets

I am here to remind you that your small voice has big POWER
If anything
Don’t be fooled because you have control over YOU

Your presence is a blessing
Look at your neighbor and speak life
Acknowledge the warrior
And your ability to fight
With hands that heal
And a voice to appeal for rights
Proclaim victory
Not victim

Watch our lives take shape and form
Nurture the minds and thoughts
Who no longer see beyond here and now
Tomorrow find something worth smiling about
Be diligent in our efforts to live
And not merely exist

Try harder, and push a little longer
Fly higher, and grow a little stronger
Deviate not to the point of desperation
But mount up on the wings of eagles
In preparation for the harvest…
To reap what you have sowed.

Life is a beautiful struggle
Faint not but…fly.

When is the last time you
Wrote your visions on paper
Or whispered your desires into the breeze
When is the last time you believed in
That which you couldn’t see?

Faith is not religious. It is a practice
A habit of exercising your belief
In something beyond your human
Capabilities.

Think outside the box.
Return to your mother’s womb
And swim in a pool of creativity
Reach for your reality
And don’t settle for an illusion

The dream is beyond this
Sweet bliss, remember your first kiss
Close your eyes and build
Your wish list

No need for candles or cake
Just a will to make do
The intention to go beyond
Mediocrity.

Power rest in the hearts of the people
Wisdom in the people who heal broken hearts
And today may similes and metaphors
Anoint your souls, may this poem

Ignite color and shapes and blueprints
Of your American dream
Today I declare that I am a surgeon
Rightfully equipped to operate

On your despair, I pray to cut deep
To your core, transform you
Behold you are a new thing
A new creature full of love and light
Don’t just dream
Dance on clouds
And double-dutch in the heavens

Innocence of a child
Strength of our youth
Solidarity of our old age

There is strength in numbers…
There is strength in you.
Go forth and build
The foundation of our future.

She's Royal...

Midnight hour burning
she dreams in gold
shiny imprints of oiled
hands that massage her temples
anoint her crown
ignite her fire to heart his soul
no longer slave nor victim
Empress to impress
upon hearts shattered
she heals those who have been
broken
the dimmed light sparks bright
shinning seeping through the cracks
she measures long and sturdy
back full of stitches and scars
she loves through fingertips and bars
nothing keeps her from reaching Heaven
GODis is Goddess
transforming lives through language
she speaks in soft whispers
her tone is as sweet as a baby's laughter
piercing eyes read to the core of a soul
no secrets that she does not see
her intuition priceless
a gift Yahweh deemed as a necessity
her price is not cheap
she is worth far more than rubies
knowledge immeasurable
she waits with patient and pose
lady lover loves life
one spare rib
master peace
mastHER piece
she's royal
eye am...

I'm going to 9ija...The African Poet

Hey peeps...I have been so busy working and planning and working and planning but it's some major things moving my way. I can't release any info at this point but stay tuned and I will be sure to give you an play by play update. If you get a moment check out this website: www.tapng.com....

Let me know what you think!

Stay Tuned

Many are "Called" but few are "Chosen"~ A Tribute to Ms. Lauryn Hill

listening to: a Lauryn Mix...
mood: at peace with life

Last weekend, June 4th I was blessed with an opportunity to see Ms. Lauryn Hill in concert. Many have complained and expressed their frustration with the artist as of late due to her tardiness, revamped classic songs in which they can barely sing along to and or even recognize. As I waited with the crowd of maybe 1,000 at the Chene Park venue, I waited in angst and fear hoping that the rumors of her not showing weren't true. I waited knowing that anything is possible and nothing in life is garaunteed. I waited in hope to see the one woman who I felt wrote music that mirrored every inch of my life. I waited with excitement just to get a glimpse and send her good vibrations from the audience. I sat there amongst naysayers and rowdy women ready to chew Ms. Hill's head off if her performance was lacking or below their standards and or expectations. What I realized sitting there and waiting was that this was a great example of what I have to prepare for as an artist who is chosen. Lauryn Hill has by far the most authentic and prophetic lyricism that I have studied, and I'm still doing my research, but she`to me is genuis and I commend her on her journey. She chose a path that many negated and despised...Her being a mother and tending to her responsibilities paved a way for mothers with gifts and talents to see that priorities must be in order and if they aren't there are consequences. I don't knock her one bit for any decision she has made. Her two albums to this day, 10+ years later are still classics, timeless, capturing the TRUTH that is all knowing and universal and here to be passed down years from now. In my hopes to see her come back to the scene, I understand that before being an entertainer, Lauryn Hill has been nurturing her seeds. As a writer and poet I strongly believe she never stopped, she just stood for something, which was LOVING SELF FIRST, and kept true to her passion. She is still an artist, and musician, an entrepreneur, unique, divine, a mentor, a mother, a lover, a friend, her spirit is felt and understood by me and if she ever lays eyes on this blog, I want her to know that I will never be a "LOST ONE"...

sending love and light to Ms. Lauryn Hill...831

signed,

an aspiring MC, and die-hard poet,

MIZ NAKI

Sometimes I forget what it is like to purge...

Greetings my fellow followers (do I even have any?), I pray this post finds you all in good spirits. It has been waaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy too long and I have so much to catch up on, I'm not even for certain where to begin. So much has transpired in the past three months alone it would take me hours to recap play by play, so just to give you a brief synopsis of what has been going on with Miz Naki is this...My trip to Ghana was A*M*A*Z*I*N*G...what else can I say but "life changing". I miss Ghana soooo much and it truly is home for me. The experience is one that I will never forget. But there is so much more in store for what's to come there! I'll continue to update you...even if it's just a post a week. I have to honor my commitment. Tonight I attended Akia's soon to be new school for Kindergarten orientation, and during the presentation I started to tear up because my baby is about to get on a bus, wear a uniform and learn how to read (beyond what she already knows) and I just can't believe it's been five years already since I popped her out! I miss her sooo much as her and Ej visit their father for a few weeks. Anyways outside of that school is almost done, I still have a few assignments left to complete my course work and I'm applying for a Fullbright Scholarpship to potentially do some research in Ghana (that's the GOAL)...but none the less this summer will be spent on organization, starting the creative process of the book, and finding my flow in the midst of what all I have going on. My recent move back home to Columbus, Ohio has been a good a one. It's been quite intense these past few weeks and I'm grateful to God for allowing this transition to be such a smoothe one. Although I'm quite fatigued I give it a few weeks for my body to readjust to waking up at 6:30 am for work. My new job at Verizon is quite exciting and overwhelming but I truly believe that I'm there for a purpose. And on top of all of that in about two weeks I will begin the studio recording for my new album 9iceTransition (9 is my spiritual number this year, I'll explain) and I'm uber ecstatic about this project....it deserves a post on its on but I'm really excited about the entire process of this album. It's different (cliche') but it's nothing what anyone may expect from me and I can truly say that my visit to the motherland inspired and sparked some crazy things outside of me(great things of course). I personally want to send a shout out to Yasmeen who is a phenomenal singer, inspiration in my life presently. She lives in Ghana and I was introduced to her work by a good friend (Love your Rich) but her blog is what truly inspired me to post again, and I figured well sense it's been a page I've been promoting as a temporary website into the world of Miz Naki for those curious...I might as well update it. I'm dedicated to my life, no longer afraid of the possibility and excited about my journey that God is unfolding daily. I pray until the next post that you are blessed with peace and clarity and in the meantime... be WHOLE, be JOY, be PEACE...just simply BE.

much love,

Miz Naki

p.s.
I'll post some new poetry later this week. and pictures from Ghana too...

Been Gone Way Too Long...

I almost feel like I'm committing a crime by posting as if though I betrayed my regular readers (all two of you, lol)but first let me apologize. You know this thing called life can and will life on you, so much so to the point where you have to retreat from the world for a little bit and gather yourself and figure out how you are going to go about living it. A lot has taken place since my last post naturally, some things that put a smile on my face and other things that have caused much heartbreak, but none the less, I am still eagerly growing and pressing forward with each day.

I'm super ecstatic about my planned trip to Ghana in March! I can't wait to see my father and give him a huge hug (I haven't seen my father since October 4th). Well I only intended to stop by to let the world know I'm back, and I intend to be much more frequent with my post. On that note, have a blessed day and blog with you soon.

Peace and poetry,

Naki

2010 Floetry and beyond "Moments In Love" by Valencia ft. Miz Naki

Okay so not to take away from Natalie and Marsha during a very pivitol time in both of their careers (they both are releasing solo albums, "The Floacist" November 9th, and Marsha's tba) but I have been pressured, joked with, threatened, lol everything you can think of to find someone who can sing from the depths of their soul and to do music with them by incorporating my poetry and their vocals...and so one random night I was catching up on a friend's blog and track of hers that she had just completed was playing. I was playing around with the beat and requested the instrumental (btw, she is dope to me with creating her own beats!!! can we say in house producer)...anyways, ten minutes later I had a small verse written and I was inspired to start the process and record it. So I did and three weeks later I present to you..."Moments In Love" by Valencia ft. Miz Naki

'The Life' by Independent Media ft. Miz Naki

Listen to 'The Life' by Independent Media ft. Miz Naki

http://bln.kr/R86/

Is This Love....

Okay for one, I absolutely love BILAL and BOB MARLEY...i heart them, like I love sweetarts and my punkie brewster shoes. Anyways...I stumbled across this amazing website through my good sis Iveriani the Illest Publicist (follow her on twitter @Iveriani) out of NY...I love her and I can't wait to see her at "The Session, 1st year anniversary party featuring Conya Doss", October 23, 2010 it goes down at The Event Center in Toledo, Oh. Tickets are $15 and it will be well worth it. So on that note back to why I decided to post this video...the website: www.thisisrealmusic.com is freaking awesome so please go check it out, I'm positive you will love it and secondly this cover done by Bilal captivated my entire world. I played it on repeat for like a whole 24 hours and so I just had to share for all you music lovers...especially you (you know who you are, ha ha)...but real talk this song is dedicated to my father who is in Ghana right now visiting family. I miss him dearly and this song reminds me of the early years growing up listening to Bob Marley and dancing with my dad...E suomo wass, daddy. Miss you

peace,

MemyselEye

The McDaniel Brothers

This post is not about me. It's merely a reflection, or observation of the past eight months...with The McDaniel Brother's...the order I list them in (may be) due to favoritism, lol but I'd rather just clear that assumption up as truth, rather than have it speculated. I care about each of them all differently and they have each impacted my life in such a short time (mostly positive, ha ha!), so when I'm led to write... I do what's right! (even you George)

George a.k.a. Jorge (Horhey)-

The eldest, probably the wisest of them all! Is to me quite the honorable man. Without having to delve to deep into his personal life, what very little that I do know about him is partly the reason why I felt compelled to write this post. He loves his brothers. Although he and the other three have different mothers, their bond is like nothing I've every seen before. He's funny, which seems to be a common trait that they all possess, but most importantly He is a family oriented man. I've met and interacted with him once and during that time I just really appreciated his laid back spirit. Over the years I've learn to read people...and what I picked up from him is his love and desire to do right as a man and a father. His children are his lively hood and most importantly his focus. His relationship with his brothers, is something he desires that his children share. Maybe I'm wrong, but I have mad respect for this man. There was a certain comfort that I got from being around him, but in reality...I get that from all of them. My sincere prayer goes out to George....

Renard a.k.a. Renny Tin Tin!, a.k.a. Jojo's brother-

The middle (possibly maybe, my favorite....shhhh don't tell anyone). Let me say this...His soul is classic. I wish that there were more Renny's out there in the world. He's humble, funny (classic trait of a McDaniel, I've concluded), talented, artsy, can dress, athletic, a great cook, and the list goes on. I met Renny back in July and though he may beg to differ, ha ha...I felt we hit it off very well. Renny just was a laid back dude, super mellow. But having the opportunity to talk with him allowed for me to learn alot about this man, and I came to admire his story, who he was, and now who he has become. Renny is honestly like the brother I never had real talk and I value our friendship...He looks out for me and vice versa. That really is no different in retrospect when it comes to the other brothers, because I hold Jojo and Ed down and vice versa but nonetheless, I shared with Renny, that I believe out of all the brothers he will be the first to be married and I believe it will last. So Renny if you're reading this don't forget that I want to write a poem for your wedding!

Joseph a.k.a. Jojo-
Akia's favorite...breif disclaimer. My children are picky about the company I keep. They are very observant and they don't take well to everyone. But when they do...you will know. I remember the first time Akia met him...I was taking Jojo back to Michigan with Ed, and he sat in the backseat next to her...and the conversation was quite entertaining. She asked him a lot of questions and he obliged by answering. From that moment...my daughter and son have faithfully requested his presence and or desired to speak to him. I strongly believe it's due to these reasons. Jojo is a different breed. I've never quite met a man with such a unique mind like him, but he is so intelligent. Not to say that each brother is not because they all are, but Jojo and I share a common interest. We both majored in English, but this to me reveals a lot about him period. Naturally an artist and a lover of words, Jojo is truly gifted musically. By far one of my favorite MC's, probably right next to Nas, I commend his tenacity and drive to pursue his passion. We clicked like peanutbutter and jelly this summer and I told him that he was probably the only male that I would call best friend and I meant it. HE GETS ON MY LAST NERVE,... and can make any person question their intellect with his choice of words but he's quite the genuis and a hopeless romantic. And how could I forget to mention that he's the baby. He knows he's special to me because he allows me to talk about my problems, issues, concerns, without judgement! I love our heart to hearts...

and then there's....

Edward...a.k.a. Ed.I.Elm., Ed, Pookie...this list is way too long, ha ha
Eldest of the last two that I mentioned...I'm biased to writing about him so I will keep my reflection to the point. His imperfections make him perfect. Similar to George, but something I've actually personally witnessed, is his love for his children. I remember when I first was made aware that he had children. We both were on the panel for a Hip Hop Discussion and I was actually shocked. Over the past few months I've come to learn about this man is that he is driven by his love for the community. We share that same passion and I often pray that he realizes his future is bright and very promising. At times he can be very moody but it is balanced by his humor. I share with him often he should be a comedian. I've reflected on this for a while but those who he let in are lucky people, because they get to his heart. I will close with this...he too is an amazing writer and I look forward to watching him blossom. He writes some great stuff on the "Think Tank"!

All in all...my writing is simple, my words are charasmatic, and these men are amazing. Who am I? someone random who has been tremendously blessed by them all. I have often questioned and wondered what there father was like, who he was, and I'm often quite afraid to touch on the subject due to it being such a sensitive issue. Their mother spoke very highly of him during one of our heart to hearts...and may his spirit always live through them, rest in peace, Edward L. McDaniel Sr. My desire to write about these men was to shed light on their story, their uniqueness...3 brothers, who grew up in somewhat poverished conditions, with a mother who I would definitely classify as heroic and the epitome of STRONG, in a very rough neighborhood...who each defied the odds against them and excelled beyond what people thought they would. Each now college graduates trying to find their way in this society as amazing, gifted, beautiful, evolving, men. I'm honored to say that I know them. What really warms my heart is their relationships with each other. Me being the only child and having two half sisters, I hope to one day experience what they have. They make me smile on my bad days, and bring laughter to my soul. They challenge me to be a strong woman by just this statement alone, "Sheila could do it"...ha ha...and most importantly, they're teaching me the beauty of friendship with men. Dialogue, great dinner, laughter, good music, tears, and lots of fun is something that I'm blessed to share with them.

This is only the beginning and I hope they know how much I value them....

Flaws and all,

I heart the McDaniel brothers.

signing out-

Naki

Confessional Pt. 2

i honestly can't remember the last time i wrote a confessional...or a blog, but i figured in order to sleep...i need to get somethings off my chest. (and i take deep breaths, and exhale as the verbal vomit begins)

who reads this anymore? i'll post it to my twitter and my facebook just for the sake of screaming, "Hey come and read me, i really want the world to know all my baggage"...ha ha.

1. there is a concrete part of my spirit that knows that she still makes you smile. and that is okay.

2. "i've never touched you, i never held you, but when i get to, i will know who you are to me" (I'm secretly still routing for you, V, to have this experience with him....maybe because in reality, I want the same for myself with ELM...

3. I want to eradicate him from my soul...control the fantasy to the point where it becomes a fallacy...delete his presence from my poetry...and bury him with the rest of life's regrets...he's a cancer to my life, crippling my desire to write...all the while he's the source of my dreams and night...such a solemn fight..#deathofmyprototype

4. part of me was jealous hearing about my bf's new relationship, wishing them well and lots of wisdom to sustain the union...#sadlyadmitting

5. my awareness of my gift is petrifying......I'm afraid to speak to people now a days...because it's like they know the truth about who i really am.

6. i just asked wyche to marry me. 99% of me was serious. 1% of me waits for you to get it...that you're the....ONE(percent)

7. i miss my aunt...deeply

8. part of me wants to walk away from school and try again in about three years. #sabbatical

9. Akia knows...her mommy well. i knew there was something different about her, when she was six months. i remembered picking her up from daycare one day and she patted me on the back as if she was the mother and i was her child. Akia's spirit has always been nurturing. She has done things that let me know she is very alert and aware...my minime...in more ways than none.

10. i need a beach bad!

.....part of me wants to include your full government in this part of the post. I feel like my spirit is just screaming out at you to notice what I see...but you can't. you probably never will. you will fight it. you will choose to be closed to your gift/our connection. people have seen it. they ask me about you often, and i often close my eyes and shake my head because in my weakest state you notice me not. you don't acknowledge my heart, my love for you. i am passionate about my fingertips and what it was like to press them against your back. you always layed with your back turned to me because you were so afraid to be open and vulnerable. you knew my soul would save you. you enjoy the comfort of pain. we've all been there. my prayer is that when you find me, it won't be too late. i dream about you eyes open. at night when i'm awake with my eyes closed...eye see you there next to me. breathing slow. I believe in twin flames...you are mine. you will laugh when you read this because you won't understand a single word. you already doubt my intelligence, but i laugh right back because I doubt your ignorance and denial not to feel my heart beating when you even step in the room...it's the loudest noise, the thump in my chest. i heart you. my favorite memory of you that comes to mind is when i was in the isle at Kroger, grocery shopping with Alisha for my b-day party...i thought of you, and you called (that is normal to think of you and then you call or text) and we talked about our plans for the party, and our date that we have yet to go on...[[[books a million and pacific blue]]]....you mentioned strawberries and moscato...how over the summer we would have plenty of barbeques at my house. you would bring the girls and i would have my kids...i don't have the nrg to conjure this up...your words were real. i believe you meant every word. i still hope for you. find me....before it's too late.
i love you to life...EDIELM ...rarely does one come across such a gifted and beautiful soul...that is what i think of you.

#nuffsaid

exposed and open like a window,

memyselfeye...Naki

Delueze Philosophy & Film....and More

Brief preface for all my followers, this video I'm about to upload is response to an assignment for my Delueze Film class. We had to match a set of selected questions with a set of selected answers and then come up with a creative way to demonstrate our selection this is what I chose: Naki Akrobettoe- Module 1 Excursion Question- D. If a major motion picture company wanted to make a movie about you, don’t you think it would be imperative that there would be at least one scene in that film that goes into your past, in order to explain and expand on your character? Answer- 5. “We shall see that the modern forms of narration derive from the compositions and types of the time-image: even ‘readability.’ Narration is never an evident [apparent] given of images, or the effect of a structure which underlies them; it is a consequence of the visible [apparent] images themselves, of the perceptible images in themselves, as they are initially defined for themselves” (C2, 26- 27). Attached you will find a mp3 selection that I had put together. I chose this particular poem to present as the choice to represent "the question/answer" because "Black Is" is my narration for people to gain a better understanding of who I am, and where I come from, and expose some of the things that I love and or passionate about ie. spoken word/poetry. I felt that the words in itself give a bit of background behind who I am, but most importantly in they create mental images, I wanted the viewers to determine their own conclusions about my history and my culture based on what they here in the short audio. How is my hair styled? What might I be wearing based on the content? What images do you see, along with what you here that describe whoe: Naki Camille Akrobettoe is as a poet, artist, woman, etc.

.... UGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! imisshim

I stare at the blank page so enraged
Lost but not yet found ready to be saved
If I had to choose between the red or blue pill
Even if it killed me I would ask you to stay
To my dismay, you strayed
While I prayed just to keep you close
And in the moment you drifted further
Was the very second it hurt the worst
See I was taught that the curse falls upon the wicked
I committed treason when we kicked it
Scrambled eggs spontaneously on a Friday,
I think that's what did it, no expectations
Just the freedom to choose,
Whether to love or loose
And experience the new muse
Had I known loving a poet would bruise
Then I would have set my ship to cruise
In the other direction instead of
Subjecting myself to this connection
That merely meant nothing to you
Than passing the time until the other lover left,
Then I would not be caught feeling like
My gift I was so willing to give was unappreciated by theft
You used me when you deemed it necessary
Read me like a dictionary, entertained the idea
Of exploring my content
Realized you weren't prepared for the complex
Structure of my nature
Concluded you'd rather date her
And blame the demise of our friendship
On the fact that my emotions run endless
I'm open like a window on a 88 degree day
With no breeze, and all the while you
Sleep with ease
My heart has been dis-Eased
And teased by the idea
That you overstood me
But you really know me not,
Now every time I see you
It makes me miss you more,
But my heart is frigid
And torn, worn out by
The constant betrayal of
Not loving myself enough
To know when intentions
Aren't pure, loving me more
Is the best cure
Even when you think of me not
The tranquil time and space
Spent with you can never
Be forgot, this is what loving
You has taught.

Written Just For Me by Mr. Love Hall

I met him about a year and half ago. We've evolved into being great friends. I can count on him for advice. I can count on him to irriate me, too! He knows my worth. He thinks I'm beautiful and as a request for my birthday/album release party, he wrote this just for me. Check out Mr. Darius Hall as the feature tonight at The Daily Grind Cafe, in Toledo, OH....He is breathtaking to the eye, and rejuvinating to ones soul with his content and sex appeal. I present to you...Mr. Lovehall (My nickname I called him because his name is the same as the character from my favorite movie "Love Jones", Darius Hall) ^snap,snap^

"She Is Poetry" (For Naki)
When I met Naki
When my time came to see
For the first time what she looked like human
A spitting image of the creator
The inventor of the trees and the winds
The only idea that escapes my imagination
So different in perspective
But my eyes aligned w/ her perception
And from our inception she’s been something like a reflection
Something like a mirror, something like a mural
I see my many faces in her creations
Somewhere in “Black Is”
I found a reason to write
A purpose for a pen’s life
My mission: To be the male rendition
Of her ambition for artistic submission
I want to be like
I want to sound like
Like I’ve found heaven in my notebook
Like I’m seven again with all the dreams my spirit left behind
She is of an ancestral design
Somewhere in line with the Krobo griot
Dancing to the rhythm of the Djimbe drum
Her voice calm as Autumn’s wind
Her body covered in summers’ skin
Her personality glazed w/ grandma’s gin
She comes from a time when
Hearts stayed open and minds rested
God tested—she’s been through the world
But I’ve never seen scars so beautiful
Worn with the grace of innocence:
So this is what you look like human?
Poetry in the flesh
This is what Black is
The essence of creation
The residual effect of freedom and imagination
The sound of heavens syncopation
You have awakened the starving artists
Fed and nurtured the starving artists
Held their hands when they were too weak to write
Grazed the boundaries of their dreams at night
And your smile is just enough light
To sustain the sight of poets who share their darkest moments
You are the spirit of poetry
Your skin is the canvas on which it should be written
I’m glad to have known you before you existed
Before my spirit resisted to let go of all my inhibitions
You are truly, universally, holistically, spiritually made in the image and likeness of creation
You are poetry

~Darius Hall

"Becoming One With My Pole(SOUL)"

"Becoming One With the Pole"

So yesterday morning I got a text from a friend of mine who asked if I was available later that evening to workout. My options were between Yoga or Pole Dance Fitness…and instantly my heart went into flutter mode because I had been waiting for the universe to align 1. my budget 2. my schedule and 3.my kids to be with a sitter, in order for me to try of course the Pole Dance Fitness. Now disclaimer, my inspirations are not to become a stripper or indulge in that activity for attention or mere infatuation with what woman in that field do, but it's merely to unveil the inner sexy nature that I believe all woman possess. My desire was to first learn to control my body weight, tone up and then allow the inner sex appeal to flow from within outwards. And the best for me is I'm finally at a place where I'm doing this all for Naki. No inspiration from a man, not trying to impress any male ego, this is purely for my enjoyment and fulfillment and I must say that I'm quite elated. I loved how yoga, pilates were incorporated in the class that I attended. And even better it was a room full of 20 black woman of all shapes and sized and ages, supporting each other and looking great to. My instructor had to be in her late 40's and was doing the da&* thang! I cracked myself up a couple of times, trying to control my body and the most difficult thing was, "Becoming one with the pole"…My favorite part had to be trying the super man, and that consisted 4 step walk in both the right and left direction, once back at center you took two wide steps away from the pole and then positioned you hands while leaning into the pole and controlling a spin around the pole with your legs spread! OMG, it was the most exhilarating feeling, I've experienced in a while. When I woke up this morning my body was in complete shock mode super sore but it was so worth it…And how I calculated it all in my head, the hour and 45 minute workout for a total of ten bucks twice a week is so worth it, compared to $50 bucks spent on fast food that is full of junk that will not enhance or contribute to this path of unleashing my inner beauty…

Funny thing is one of my home girls text me and was like, "oh boy" I can't wait to hear a poem written about this! So here is my confession, I loved every minute of being on that pole, and I can't wait to experience it again. My nickname is "Heaven", simply because that is what it felt like being there and to me it's all about the balance of sensuality and spirituality so the first line of my poem reads "..."Enter me cause I was built to be the foundation of your HEAVEN!"....


catch me at the next "E-Zone" featuring Lethal and you don't want to miss this show! Strawberries and Chocolate, crazy sensual sexy poetry, and lots of fun and TOYS!...


P.S. I love what I do.


Peace and Poetry,

Naughty Naki

He Said This To Me...

this is how I know....I'm not all weird and crazy in the head. When I recieve confirmation within my spirit that the person God is molding and shaping me into is not far off...In a random conversation that started out about Yoga excercises, and the practice of it...a good friend wrote these words to me.

"I've said this to other people, but I've never said this to you. You have something, not sure what it is, but God has given you something special. If you can figure out what that is, the rest of the world is going to welcome you with open arms."

And so I don't plan to make this blog long. I'm in Columbus, relaxing at home, enjoying the great company of my mother, father, and good friends and doing what feels right. I'm taking the time to center my mind body and spirit. I'm searching for Ma'at (Balance) and I acknowledge how wonderful and amazing I truly am, flaws and all. It feels good to sit down and just take a moment to breathe....

My spirit is calm and embracing the transition.

Growth is good.

Peace and Poetry,

Naki C. Akrobettoe